Page 148 of Take What You Want

“I should hold my girlfriend,” he says, locking his arms behind my back. “And our game plan can wait. Right now, I want to know how you are.” His eyes search my face and I can’t hide all of the insecurities I’ve felt creeping up ever since I saw the state of myself in those photos.

“What are people going to say about me?” I whisper. I can already picture the comment section.

Why is he with her?

How did she score him?

He could do so much better.

“Shhh,” he soothes me. “It doesn’t matter what they say.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“I know it is, but it hasn’t always been. I’ve had to develop a thick skin over the years, and I know you have one yourself. Just tune it out. Don’t pay attention to it.”

I rest my forehead against his chest. “Much easier said than done.”

He strokes my hair and back and I lean into the comforting touch. In the chaos, he’s my safe place.

And that night when he holds me close in bed, whispering sweet nothings in my ear, I vow to myself that I’m not going to listen to what anyone else might have to say about me or my body.

Not when I’m lucky enough to be loved by him.

41

NIKOLAI

Arun’s pissed. I spent the entire day ignoring his calls yesterday and this morning riding around on my bike. I needed the space. Needed to feel the air against my skin and rush of speeding between cars and taking corners a little too quickly and my knees got dangerously close to the pavement.

But Jane and I needed to take time to ourselves yesterday to digest everything. My heart broke last night as she cried, worrying about the kinds of things people were going to say about her. Couple that with Walker’s reaction and any reaction to the fallout of these photos and what it means for my career were put on the back burner.

I love music and I want this solo album to succeed, but my relationship with Jane and Walker is more important. I wish I would’ve realized that before I cowardly agreed to the arrangement with Kerra.

But what’s done is done and I stroll into Arun’s office with a new sense of purpose. He sits behind his desk looking worse for wear. Between me and the guys, we’ve aged Arun over the last nine years since he signed us.

“How the hell did someone get these photos?” I demand the second I close the door behind me. “Was I being followed?”

Arun sounds utterly exhausted as he rubs his forehead. “Good morning to you, too.” His eyes flick to the cut on my lip. “I assume that’s courtesy of Mr. James Walker?”

I flop in one of the cushioned chairs on the other side of his desk and exhale. “Please tell me that you didn’t know that these were coming out and didn’t warn me.”

He sits forward and braces his elbows on the desk. “I would never do that to you and I’m insulted that you would even ask that of me.”

“Fuck, I know, I’m sorry.” Outside of Jane, Milo, Hendrik, and my best friends, there’s no one else I trust more than Arun. “It’s just been…fuck, man.”

He rises and goes over to the crystal decanter. He pours us each a glass of whiskey and extends one to me.

“Little early to be drinking, isn’t it?”

“Special occasion.” He clinks his glass with mine and sits. I take a sip and cringe at the burn. “Alright, so I can see you’re pissed.”

“That would be an understatement.” I scoff.

“I, of course, didn’t know these photos existed until they were splashed across the press. I would’ve had them shut down otherwise.”

I know he would’ve. Arun’s helped manage plenty of scandals for us over the years and I wouldn’t expect any different from him.

“And Kerra’s camp certainly didn’t clear them with me.”

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