Page 138 of Take What You Want

It’s what I knew deep down. As I stared at the blank TV, trying to sleep last night but replaying it over and over in my mind, I knew that he wouldn’t have done that. He tried to dodge her that entire performance. But after being cheated on and already hurt so deeply by Nikolai in the past, it was hard to see the logical side that I crave.

“Please say something,” he pleads. He tentatively brushes my hair behind my ear so he can look at me. His eyes shine and my heart aches to see him hurting.

“I believe you,” I whisper and he immediately lets out a relieved huff. The sight of his relief calms something in me as well.

“I promise I would never do that to you.” He takes my hands in his and pulls them into his lap. “She took me completely off guard and I pulled away as soon as I realized what was happening.”

“The camera shots conveniently cut that part out.”

His teeth grind. “I called it off with her as soon as we got offstage. I told Arun that I didn’t care what he had to do, but I’m done. The whole stunt, the appearances with her, everything. It’s done.”

I cup his jaw and run my thumb over the light stubble. “I’m sorry she did that to you.”

He looks at our joined hands. “I was so worried you thought that I would do that to you.”

“I mean, I won’t lie and say that doubt didn’t run through my mind all night.” But as soon as I laid eyes on him, Iknew. He didn’t do this. “I just needed to hear you confirm it for me.”

“I’m sorry.” He lays his head in the crook of my shoulder and I rest mine against his as we watch the orange haze grow across the city.

“You don’t have to apologize. But it was painful to watch.” My voice cracks.

“Probably as painful as it was to see you with Liam.” He chuckles, the sound lacking humor.

Seriously? “Nikolai, we’ve been over this. We both saw people over the years. That was fair game.”

“No,” he lifts his head, “I mean when you brought him to our first album release party.”

I jerk back. “What do you mean?—”

“I was going to get you back that night,” he says, chest heaving with a labored breath. “And you shredded me to fucking pieces when you showed up with him. I knew then that I had lost you for good.”

8 YEARS AGO

JANE

“Have everything packed to come out here?” Walker asks excitedly over the phone. I have him on speaker as I carefully fold my clothes and tuck them into little cubes.

“Working on it as we speak. Can you believe it’s finally here?”

“I can’t. We’ve been putting in so much work on this album and it’s like a culmination of the past three years we’ve been a band.”

Walker and the guys have been out in LA for almost a year and their first album release party is this weekend. I’m flying out there to celebrate with them, but anxiety has been destroying my stomach this week leading up to it.

It’s going to be the first time I’ll see and speak to Nikolai since I walked away from him in his backyard last summer. The abrupt loss of not only one of my best friends, but my first love, paralyzed me for weeks. It felt like a part of myself was snuffed out when Nikolai shook his head, asking me to take back my declaration for him.

But I’ve picked myself back up, settled into my new life at Harvard, and I’ve been creating a new group of friends. Although I still haven’t dated anyone yet. I’m not ready for that.

“I’m so proud of you,” I tell him earnestly. I walk over to my closet and pull out my favorite baby pink dress and carefully roll it to fit in the suitcase. “Hayden sent me a sample the other day from one of the songs. He at least is willing to give me teasers when I ask for them.”

“If he wants to breach the contract and send them to you, that’s on him! I’m not messing with that, even knowing I’d have you on my side in the courtroom.”

I snort. “I’m not going to be a trial lawyer.”

I can picture Walker’s eyes glazing over so I don’t continue down that road of conversation.

“Make sure you text me your flight information so I can pick you up. I already added you to the list with the label.”

“There’s a list? How fancy.”

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