Page 106 of Take What You Want

“I texted you.”

He scoffs. “Yeah, but you didn’t elaborate. How’s it going?”

There was no way I was going to lie to my family about Kerra, so they all know the truth. But I kept things vague. Mostly because of my parents, who I don’t have much of a relationship with and didn’t feel the need to expand on it with them. But I get why Milo feels like he deserves more of an explanation.

I sigh. “We’re supposed to have our first public date next week.” Arun emailed me this morning about it. The teams decided we needed an outing not related to the song to help round out the image that this is an actual relationship, and not just for work.

A dog barks in the background and I hear a door open. “Go run around, we’ll go for a walk in a bit.” Milo’s voice is quiet as he speaks away from the receiver. He’s clearer again when he says, “Sorry, it’s walk time for Augustus.”

I snort, shaking my head. “I still can’t believe you named your dog Augustus.”

“It suits him,” Milo says defensively. “Now, what do you have to do for it?”

My head falls back with a thud against the wall. “We’re supposed to go shopping downtown. You know, walking down the sidewalks hand in hand, making sure we’re visible from the windows inside stores, having lunch outside at a restaurant, the works.”

“Again, this is why I can’t complain about work to you becausethatis a day in the office for you.”

“I’ll trade places for the day if you want.” Actually, I’d never let Kerra near Milo. I love him, but he’s impressionable and easily charmed by girls. She’s too sneaky for him. “So work is that bad?”

He huffs and launches into a whole tangent about a program he’s been the lead on, but is constantly getting undermined by one of the other guys on the project. Milo forgets who he’s talking to and wades deep into the technical side of the program and drops jargon and acronyms that I have no clue what they mean, but I sit silently and listen, as only a big brother needs to do sometimes.

“I just don’t feel like I’m being valued. My internship with them was so good, but now that I’m in the day to day, it’s likenothing that I say or do matters. I’m just a body at a desk.” He sighs, sounding dejected.

“I’m sorry. I know how excited you were to get the offer and that sucks that it’s not what you thought it would be.”

“I guess I just thought that I’d be doing something that matters, you know? That I’d be making a difference and progressing more than I am.”

“You’re not even a year into the job yet, Milo. You gotta give it some time. And you’re young. You don’t need to have it all figured out yet and be making the impact you want to be.”

His tone is cooler, sadder, as he says, “You know just as well as I do that time is bullshit.”

A lump forms in my throat. “I know, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just trying to say that you gotta give yourself some time. It might just take a little bit to get in the groove there, or hey, it might not be the job for you. And if it isn’t, you’ll find a new one. Don’t stay there if it’s not making you happy. Now that would be an actual waste of time that you know is precious.”

He’s quiet and I can picture his nose scrunching as he thinks it over. He could be my twin if we were closer in age. We have the same shade of blond hair, although he keeps his shorter, and the same structured jaw and pointed nose. But he’s slightly shorter and I have more tone to my muscles since I’m in a much more active day to day life than he is.

“We’ll see,” he says eventually. “I’m going to give it at least a full year there. If things don’t look up, then I’ll consider my options.”

“That’s a smart plan. Now, are you still planning to go visit Mom this fall?”

“I don’t know. Every time I call her, she asks me all sorts of questions about Dad and what he’s doing. I hate feeling like I’m in the middle of them, even though they’re divorced.”

Don’t I know it. I felt the same way growing up and was in Milo’s position, but as the years have gone by, I’ve separated myself from them more and more.

“I get it,” I sigh. “She shouldn’t do that to you.”

“Can you talk to her?”

“She won’t listen to me.” She never has and honestly, I can’t try to fix their relationship when neither of them wants to be cordial anyways. I have my own relationship with Jane to focus on. “I know the idea of them being friends and being able to get together as a family again is appealing, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m sorry.”

After the shooting, I thought that maybe, just maybe, my parents might put all their issues aside and at the very least be able to be friendly with one another for Milo and my sake. But after a few months and the shock of what happened wore off, they both fell back into their same patterns.

And I had enough.

Being the glue is exhausting and it seems like Milo is now trying to take that role.

“It is what it is,” he says, reluctant acceptance heavy in his tone. “Anyways, I’ll let you get back to work. What’s the inspiration today?”

“Love,” I answer immediately, and Milo laughs.

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