Page 59 of Take What You Want

“No.”

“Then you need to tell her how you feel. Fuck it. Stop wasting both of your time.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one in my position.”

“I’d never find myself in this type of situation. Relationships are too messy.”

In the eleven years that I’ve been friends with him, never once has he had a serious girlfriend.

“It’s just?—”

“No,” he cuts me off, “you’re the one who’s always telling everyone else to not have any fucking regrets because you knowhow quick life can shift. So this is me turning that back around on you.”

I keep my mouth shut, knowing he’s right.

But at the same time, the situation with Jane isn’t so black and white. I fucked up, and that doesn’t just go away because time has passed.

Reid’s gaze burn into the side of my face and I meet his stare. His face softens, as it does with only a select few, at my torment.

“Nik, she cares about you,” he says, voice gritty. “If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have defended you at the band dinner last summer.”

I turn my attention toward the ceiling fan.

“And she wouldn’t have done what she did for you two years ago, either.”

LAST SUMMER

JANE

“Why haven’t you held it against Nikolai too, though?” Walker says, and as much as I love my brother, I really wish he would shut the hell up right now.

Everyone at the table freezes as Walker and Reid glare at each other with a vitriol that makes me nauseous.

“Walker,” I mumble, scolding him before I look over at Nikolai and my stomach sinks as he slumps in his chair.

This dinner was mine and Scar’s idea. One last shot to try to get the four guys on the same page before any formal breakup announcements are made. Things had been going well, until Reid and Hayden started getting into it. Carter tries to placate her boyfriend, but Hayden and Reid have it coming for a long time.

Now though, Walker has decided to jump into the mix.

“Why haven’t I heldwhatagainst Nikolai?” Reid says cooly, his words sharp as the knife resting against his dinner plate. He cocks his head to the side, an excited glint in his eye at the challenge Walker is giving him.

“Both Hayden and Nikolai called the hiatus and took their space from us. I didn’t hear from Nikolai for just as long as Ididn’t hear from Hayden. And I know when we all got back on tour, even Nikolai said he didn’t see you much over the break. So I’m wondering why you’re holding Hayden to a different standard.”

Reid leans his elbows on the table, and I subtly push my chair back from the table, caught in the middle of the two powerful men on either side of me.

“You don’t know shit,” he says, words dripping with hostility.

“I think you’re a hypocrite and don’t want to own up to it,” Walker shoots back, and I glance around him at Scar, seated on his other side. She’s watching Reid with thinly veiled disdain, while she white-knuckles Walker’s leg under the table.

“It bothers you, doesn’t it? Not being in the know of everything. Not being the center of the four of us anymore. It drives you fucking mad not being the one that everyone looks to for every answer anymore, doesn’t it?”

I kick Reid’s shin, but he doesn't even flinch at the sharp toe of my heel.

“It’s just like you to turn this shit back around on me. I want to know why?—”

“It’s none of your fucking business,” Reid snaps.

Nikolai’s chin is tucked into his chest as he mindlessly spins his wine glass around. He’s shutting down. He thinks it’s his fault.

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