Page 15 of Take What You Want

“I miss the guys, too,” he admits.

“Have you seen any of them lately?”

“I see Reid pretty often. But Hayden has been busy working on his new house with Carter. And your brother has been in la-la land with Scar.”

We both chuckle at that. I’ve never seen him more in love than I have watching him with her.

“How have you been doing otherwise? Like…after the last show,” I hedge, not wanting to bring up things he doesn’t want to think about but also needing to know that he’s okay.

The last time I saw him was at the final Whisper Me Nothings show. It was at a music festival over Labor Day and they were one of the last acts to perform on the main stage. During their set, fireworks went off on one of the side stages and sent both him and Hayden into a panic attack. He couldn’t differentiate the pops of colorful explosions in the sky to the horror he witnessed at the hands of a loaded gun at his brother’s graduation.

I hate remembering that day. Seeing him freeze onstage, the terror that coated his face like a second skin, the tremor thatraked through his entire body as the guys led him back to the trailer.

I had followed behind them but I couldn’t touch him. Couldn’t hold him. Couldn’t comfort him.

Because no one knows about our history. And that wasn’t the time for that.

So instead I had to sit by the sidelines while Walker and Reid talked him down. I was there, but I wasn’tthere.

It still cuts even months later.

“Hey,” he whispers, reaching a hand across the table and grabbing my own. His palm is warm as his fingers wrap around mine, squeezing gently. “It’s okay.”

He knows where my mind drifted off to without me even needing to say. It’s scary the way he’s always been able to see me. Always been able to read me. I pride myself on keeping a poker face, especially in my field of work.

But with him, he’s always seen past it. Just like I’ve always seen past his.

“I’m doing better. There are still some bad days here and there and I really fucking hate the Fourth of July when everyone thinks they need to put on their displays…” He pauses, then chuckles. “But I’m alright.”

“Still free climbing mountains and racing around on that death bike of yours though?” I ask, stealing my hand back. He’s always been a bit of a daredevil, but he’s gotten downright reckless in recent years. Hell, right after Whisper Me Nothings announced their breakup, he took off to New Zealand and did a solo hike for weeks there.

“Free climbing? Not recently. But do you mean my beautiful, stunning bike that one day you’ll be begging me for a ride on? Yes.”

I roll my eyes. “Not likely.”

“We’ll see.”

“How’s the family?”

“Parents still hate each other.” He snorts. “But that’s not new.”

“Have you seen them lately?”

He shakes his head. “Saw my dad when I went home to visit for the holidays this year, but my mom refused to come around if my dad’s new girlfriend was going to be there.”

I cringe. “How’s Milo doing?”

“Great.” Nikolai smiles genuinely at the mention of his younger brother. “He started his first job at the tech start-up he did an internship with last summer. So it looks like he’ll be staying in Philly, which I’m bummed about, but I get it. It’s his home.”

Our steaks arrive and my stomach grumbles at the sight, reminding me of how long it’s been since I last ate. It’s been an insanely long day between working this morning and then flying out here and being swept right over to dinner.

“So, did you tell Walker that you’re visiting this weekend?” Nikolai asks as he cuts a chunk of steak.

I finish chewing a bite and swallow. “I did. I’m going to their house tomorrow night for dinner. Scar’s in between shows so it’ll be good to see them and catch up.”

He nods and doesn’t press it. It’s not like Walker would have any reason to question the fact that I’m doing this work for Nikolai. And something about that causes my chest to seize for a moment because of his total and complete trust in not only me, but in his best friend.

The thing is, Walker and I had a strict no dating friends rule that started when we were teenagers. Being twins, we were always in the same grade in school and always around the same groups of people. My friends were his friends and his friends were my friends. It’s great, because the two of us have always been close so it was nice to have a group of friends together.

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