Page 116 of Take What You Want

“Jesus Christ,” I groan, already exhausted by him. “I’m not trying to pick a fight with you. I wanted to come over here to say thank you, and to check in on you, too.” Reid may not have witnessed what Hayden and Nikolai did, but he’s not had an easy life. And I know how important not only Nikolai is to him, but Whisper Me Nothings. With the band on hiatus and seeing Nikolai at the lowest of lows, I needed to check on him.

Because is anyone checking in on Reid?

His razor-sharp jaw clenches and he narrows his dark blue eyes on me. “I’m fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yes.”

“Of course you are.” I laugh but there’s no humor behind it. “Well, you don’t need me to tell you to keep an eye on him, but I’m going to anyway.”

“He’s my best friend.”

“And that’s why I know you’re going to make sure he doesn’t slip to that edge again.”

He nods curtly. “I won’t let it happen again.” A twinge of guilt slips between the cracks of his mask and it softens my annoyance.

“You didn’tletanything happen, Reid. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I was with him earlier that night and I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary,” he grits out. “You really think that’s not my fault?”

“No,” I breathe out. “Nothing about this is your fault. He’s good at smiling things off. You know this. If he didn’t want you to see how much he was struggling, he wasn’t going to let you.”

Reid shakes his head and looks out past my shoulder into the distance. He doesn’t want my reassurance. He’s going to feel guilty regardless. It’s what he’s chosen.

“Well, I’ll leave you be, then,” I say and take a step backward. “I just wanted to say thanks, and please keep me updated on how he’s doing.” I trust that Nikolai’s going to be okay after seeing him, but I won’t forget the fear I felt that night.

Reid turns his attention back to me and his eyes scan me from head to toe, scrutinizing every detail. But I don’t feel like shrinking beneath his gaze. For some reason, I never have with Reid. His brown hair has grown out in the last few months and he’s added more tattoos to his muscular arms.

“I will,” he says finally. Then he surprises me by adding, “You look good.” He must see the shock on my face because he shakes his head and stifles a dark chuckle. “Don’t read into it. You’ve just matured, that’s all.”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve always been the most mature one out of all of us.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what?—”

“I’ve got his back,” he interrupts me. “And I know you do, too. We’ll get him through this.”

I purse my lips and nod. “We will.” And then because I don’t know how often Reid hears it, I tell him, “You know I have your back as well. You’re my friend, too.” The distance that I’ve put in with Nikolai has put a strain on my friendships with Hayden and Reid over the years, too. I wish it didn’t, but I can’t change the past. But if I’m reforging a new path with Nikolai, I want to work on that with the other guys also.

“If you say so, Little Walker.”

30

JANE

Reid helps Nikolai carry in a few plates of food. Before he even came over, Reid had ordered delivery and shortly after he arrived, the doorbell rang with piles of sushi.

I sit back on the couch and listen to the two of them catch up while we eat. It’s true that Nikolai’s time has either been preoccupied by work or by me, so I understand Reid feeling left out a bit. But their bond is so tight, their friendship weaved between their souls, that a little bit of distance isn’t going to hurt them.

We’ve all never spoken about that night explicitly since my quick visit shortly after. As Nikolai and I rebuilt our friendship, we had other things to focus on and I didn’t want to keep asking him about one of the worst nights of his life as he worked on it in therapy.

As far as Reid goes, our friendship really never got off the ground. What I didn’t realize at the time was how Reid was pulling himself away fromeveryone, not just me, and what that would eventually lead into.

I don’t agree with what he’s done, but I also know the lengths Reid is willing to go to for the people he loves. I know the kind offriend he’s capable of being and I will never be able to thank him enough for being there for Nikolai that night when I couldn’t.

“How long are you planning to be in LA?” Reid asks me. “I thought this was a temporary move but this,” he flicks his chopsticks back and forth between me and Nikolai, “doesn’t feel temporary.”

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