Page 103 of Take What You Want

There’s no judgment in his voice, only curiosity.

“No.”.

He doesn’t ask why or push for a reason, and I’m grateful for it. I don’t want to tell him that I’ve spent the last two years being so self-conscious of my body after Liam cheated on me that the idea of being completely exposed to another man wasn’t appealing in the slightest. My confidence has been blown in the bedroom, even if I fake it out in everyday life.

I try to step around him to grab toilet paper, but he beats me to it and kneels before me. My breath catches as he gently wipes his cum from my skin, then presses a soft kiss to each thigh. I tremble beneath his touch as my heart beats erratically.

Fuck. I forgot about this side of Nikolai. How caring, how attentive he’s capable of being.

I need to get out of here. Need to clear the fog from my brain and get my racing thoughts under control.

“We should get back out there,” I say breathily. “Who knows how long we’ve been gone.”

He grabs my bottoms from the floor and hands them to me. “Probably better if you figure out how to tie them again.”

“Incapable of tying a couple of knots?” I tease, but I’m grateful he doesn’t try to dress me himself. That might send me into the full abyss I’m currently leaning over the edge of.

“More like I’m tempted to just whisk you home and get you into my bed rather than getting you redressed and back out to the party.” He pulls his trunks on, and I pout when he tucks his cock away. He chuckles and runs a hand through his hair, pushing it off his forehead. “I see you like that idea, too.”

I do. I really fucking do.

But that’s not an option right now.

We wash our hands and straighten our suits and hair. I wipe under my eyes, only a small amount of mascara smudged since I didn’t wear much makeup today.

Nikolai’s cheeks are flushed and the blue of his eyes looks clearer than it did earlier today, but not enough that I think anyone will notice. No one else pays the same amount of attention to Nikolai’s appearance as I do.

“We good?” I ask.

Nikolai reaches out tentatively, but when I don’t move to stop him, he smiles as he brushes a lock of hair behind my ear. “You tell me, LJ. I’m following your lead.”

Not just right now as we head back out by our friends, but in whatever path we walk together from this point forward. I know in my heart he means it.

I brush my lips against his in a gentle kiss that says everything I can’t say right now. He tries to deepen it, but we’ve tempted fate enough.

“You go first,” I say, breaking the kiss, “and I’ll follow.”

The air conditioning hits like a wall of ice when we open the bathroom door. I motion for Nikolai to exit after I check that the coast is clear. This feels ridiculous, sneaking around like this again. We’re adults.

Nikolai slaps my ass as he walks by, and I yelp, then clamp my mouth shut and glare at him. He better not have left an imprint because my bikini bottoms don’t cover much.

I count to thirty, then walk down the hallway toward the kitchen. My attention is fixed toward the pool ahead, and the relief I feel at seeing my brother floating around on an inflatable lounger, oblivious to what just happened, is short-lived when someone clears their throat pointedly.

The noise startles me and I jerk my head to see Scar standing at the island in the kitchen, one hip leaned against the counter as she eats a vine of red grapes.

“You scared me,” I huff.

She chews slowly, her brown eyes narrowed. She flicks them toward Nikolai, who is settling in on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling in, and back to me. I see the gears turning in her head and what she’s putting together right now.

“I don’t know what you think you saw”—or heard,dear god—"but?—”

“You’re not about to lie to my face right now, are you?” She arches a brow but her tone is flat.

I’m rarely at a loss for words, but right now, I can’t figure out how I want to respond. I don’t want to lie to her, but telling the truth means blowing things up right now. And in the haze of trying to process whatever this now means between me and Nikolai, I also can’t think about navigating the minefield of what this is going to mean for my relationship with my brother. Not yet.

“I’m assuming you were going to tell meit’s not what you think,” she says, popping another grape in her mouth. “But I’m wondering if it’s exactly what I think.”

“And what’s that?” I ask quietly and lean against the other side of the island, my back now facing the pool where everyone else is gathered.

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