Page 76 of His One True Wish

“Here,” she said, shoving the bag in my direction. “We should tie this down. I’m driving the sled this time.”

“All righty,” I said, taken aback.

She walked around the back of the snowmobile and took a seat on the front. It did not take a rocket scientist to pick up on the attitude she was throwing. The woman was pissed. What had Angel told her, and why did I care? I wanted Billie to go home. Maybe I shouldbe thanking Angel? It was one thing for Billie to leave. It was another to have her drive the snowmobile.

“I should drive,” I said. “I’m, like, twice as big as you.”

She sat in the front seat, hands fiddling with the controls.

“Don’t be a sexist dickhead,” she said.

“It’s not sexism if it’s factual.”

“Get on the sled, or I am leaving you here,” she shouted, pulling on her helmet, eyes fixed forward.

I could have forced her to talk to me, but I wasn’t sure what I would say or what I wanted. So I accepted the fact that Billie was pissed off at me. Maybe it was better this way. After all, I wanted her to leave Smoke River.

I attached the bag to the back of the sled and climbed on the machine behind her. I held onto the arm holders as she hit the gas. I realized as we drove that on the way out, she’d held my middle the whole time. She could have grabbed the handlebars, but she didn’t.I thought about reaching around her tiny waist, but as the sled bounced over the icy flats, I knew that my touch was not welcome. I felt the sickness of regret, but pushed it down fast.

I didn’t owe Billie anything. If she was going to act like a jealous girlfriend, well, that was her problem. I didn’t have a girlfriend anymore. Billie was my landlord’s granddaughter, and chances were I needed to find a new place to live.

CHAPTER 22

BILLIE

Igripped the controls of the sled, grateful for the focus, grateful for the roar of the engine. I didn’t want to talk to Axl. I didn’t know what I wanted to say to him. I was furious, and I knew I had no grounds.

I was angry at him, but I was mostly angry at myself. Damn me for letting him hurt me. What happens in Smoke River stays in Smoke River, I thought to myself. Right. When had I ever been good at keeping my heart in check? When was I ever able to pick the right guy?

I thought about my mother and the heartbreak she suffered when my father abandoned us. He was a cheater, too. Was this my destiny, to replay the mistakes of my parents? I replayed every failed romance in my past and the horrible moment when I realized I’d been lied to.

It was supposed to be meaningless sex. I’d even failed at that.

Angel’s advice replayed in my mind again and again. “He only wants what he can’t have.”

Axl dated unavailable women, married women. The way Angel talked about it, Axl made it a practice to cheat. The fact that I let my guard down even for a night with someone like him made me feel sick to my stomach. I supposed he didn’t owe me an explanationabout Angel, but he had lied to me about his job. It was a lie of omission. Axl had neglected to tell me about his billions. I wasn’t sure if it was one billion or twenty, but did it really matter? It was more than enough money for one man, and it meant he didn’t need a good deal on my family’s cabin.

Still, the heat and weight of Axl’s body pressing behind me reminded me of being in his arms. I scooted forward and gripped the handles tighter, being careful with the throttle. I was capable of driving a snowmobile. I’d fallen for all his bullshit thinking he was taking care of me, when he was really just a lying, sexist, older guy.

I didn’t glance back at Axl once as I drove back along the river and over the road to the cabin. The ride back went by faster going home. We reached our winding drive, and the cabin came into view. The porch light still on, I saw Cam’s black-and-white nose pressed against the window.

I parked the sled in front of the barn, turned off the engine, and walked to the cabin without looking back at Axl. I heard him move behind me. His feet crunched on the snow.

“Hey,” he shouted, following me. “Hey!”

“I’m going inside,” I shouted, not turning around.

I heard him walk faster and felt his hand on my arm at the base of the porch stairs. I spun around, furious.

“Don’t touch me!” I shouted, pulling my arm away from him. I raised both my hands in the air.

“What is going on, Billie?” he said, his voice low, hands raised.

“She was married!” I blurted, tears blurring my vision. “You were fucking a married woman, Axl.” My hands balled in fists, I glared at him.

His mouth opened. He said nothing for a moment.

“You won’t even deny it,” I said. “I told you all my vulnerabilities. I told you how much I hated cheating — and you said nothing. You made me trust you … ”

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