Page 5 of Christmas of Convenience

Her brows narrow as though she’s trying to discern whether or not I’m full of shit, which is sad. “How the hell are you still single?”

“I want to be.”

“You want to be?”

“Yeah. Relationships are complicated as fuck. I’m alwayssayingthe wrong thing,doingthe wrong thing,actingthe wrong fucking way. Truth be told, I’d rather just leave the house on Sundays to go hunting without an earful of guilt.”

She tilts her head back as though the puzzle has been unlocked. “Oh, so you’rethatguy.”

“That guy?”

“Yeah, the guy who thinks every request from his partner is a threat to his independence.”

“No. I just like doing my own thing without answering to anyone. Besides, I’m closing in on fifty. Starting a family is kind of out of the question at his point.”

“Why’s that?”

The waiter sets our plates down in front of us and the sweet, slightly metallic smell of steak surrounds us. I’m starving. I didn’t realize how hungry I was, though I don’t want to let go of Jen’s hand.

“Well, the math of the whole kids thing doesn’t really make sense. I’d be nearly dead by the time I got kids into college, which doesn’t seem fair to them. Then, there’s the part where I haven’t found anyone I like enough yet to answer to.” I laugh, hoping she picks up on the joke.

Considering she returns a sarcastic gaze, I assume she does. She slices into her steak and takes a bite. “There’s still timeto have a family. Don’t sell yourself to the corner yet. Besides, you look…healthy.”

“Thank you?” I take a bite of steak while enjoying the view from across the table. I could get used to this. “What about you? Why aren’t you seeing anyone?”

“Oh, I’ve dated a little here and there, but guys my age are all the same.”

“How’s that?” The bulbs from the Christmas tree flicker behind her, lighting the gentle features on her face just right.

“Well, the last two guys I dated both refused traditional jobs because ‘working for the man’ was a waste. The last one… cheated on me. So, I’ve been picking some real winners lately.”

“Wow. Yeah… that’s a shit track record. If they don’t like‘the man,’did they at least try and start their own business?”

“Is having a fledgling YouTube channel a business?” She bites back laughter as she takes another bite of steak. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so rude, but… I don’t know. Is it wrong to want a guy with a job and doesn’t cheat? Enough about me and all my demands in a partner. How’s your love life been? When was the last time you were dating anyone?”

“Oh shit.” I take a sip of wine. “I haven’t been seriously dating in like ten years. I’ve hung out with a few women since then, but there were no feelings. We just chilled.”

“Oh, so sex?”

“Ha! No, maybe in my twenties, but not now. Random sex just complicates things.”

“Oh yeah? Okay… and Ihatelava cake.”

“No, really. I don’t know if it’s my age or what, but I don’t have the same desperation to‘get laid’as I did when I was younger. Since then, I’m keeping the door open for a serious relationship, but not really going out and looking for one.”

She nods and slides another bite of steak into her mouth, chewing slowly as she stares toward me. “So,” she swallowsdown her bite, “and you just get more perfect. I really have a hard time believing women aren’t throwing themselves at you. A good-looking guy who works hard, isn’t fucking everything that moves, and who also just happens to love a body positive movement? I mean…”

I laugh. “See, you’re painting me with a brush I like. Most womenthinkthey want a hard-working man until he’s busy all the time working. And believe it or not, a lot of women think it’s weird that I won’t hook-up anymore. Like I’m hiding something.”

“What would you be hiding?”

“A small dick, I presume.” The words linger in the air as I cross my toes, hoping she knows I’m joking.

Finally, she laughs. She laughs the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard. It’s not at all feminine and refined. Rather, it’s harsh and loud, filling up the quiet room with color and life. “Okay then. Well,” she takes a sip of beer, “I can see that as a risk some would be unwilling to take. So, what do you do then, besides work and nurture small dick insecurities?”

Fuck, I like this girl.I laugh as I say, “There’s enough shit to do on the farm to keep me busy the rest of my life, but when I get bored with that, I like picking up old appliances. I take them apart and put them back together again. Most of the time, people trash perfectly good shit that needs a relatively inexpensive part to work. It’s rewarding. What about you? What do you do for fun?”

“Fun?”She grins and slices her spoon into the warm lava cake that the waiter has just dropped off at the table. “I don’t know if I remember what fun is. I stop for coffee every morning before school. I guess I like that.”

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