Page 26 of Release You

“It made you happy. I didn’t want to kill the thrill for you.” I touched her cheek.

She covered my hand with hers and met my gaze.

“Nikki—”

“We’re in.” She pushed the door, and it creaked open.

A musty and cool breeze rushed in our direction, as if the tunnel had been holding its breath all this time. With a tight grip on my flashlight, I snuck in behind Nikki and let the door shut behind me.

“Straight ahead, I think?” I took a deep breath to ease the pounding in my chest.

“I just kicked something.” She bumped into me, and her beam of light danced around the walls.

“Don’t think about it, just keep going.”

When we were kids, this place hadn’t seemed so gloomy. We’d sit here and listen for the steps overhead while dust settled on us like snow as people rushed back and forth. Maybe that was the difference. The house felt deserted now and eerily quiet.

I picked up the pace and hung a left at the end of the hallway. The way I’d done countless times when Cavalier Manor was home to me.

“Is this the right spot?” I leaned on the wall and pushed. Shuffling sounds came from the other side, but the door didn’t spring open like it was supposed to.

“I think so. There’s something blocking the way.”

“Yeah.” I pushed my body up against it again, and the door gave way just enough for Nikki to squeeze through the gap.

“It’s a settee. Hang on.”

Nikki was like a ghost, soundless and quick as she moved the furniture around before she came back to let me in. This was the worst time for it, but all I wanted to do was kiss her again.

“There’s no one home, Henry,” she whispered.

“Let’s check Mom’s room first.” I dashed upstairs.

Had my uncle taken Mom somewhere else? Had we waited too long to come back? I barged into Mom’s bedroom, and my stomach sank. Clothes were spread on the bed and on thechaise near the bay window, while a bunch of hangers lay on the floor.

“Does it look to you like they left in a rush?” I asked.

“For sure.” She pointed her light around the room. “Did your uncle know you were coming? You think your mom told him about your visit?”

“Fuck.” I rubbed my face with both hands. “Why would she do that? Does she really not want to see me?” I swallowed and plopped myself on the mattress.

Had I made it all up? Had I imagined the fear in Mom’s eyes? I’d been so quick to believe she’d been kept here against her will. Anything was better than accepting the fact that Mom didn’t want me. Obviously, I was wrong. Why else would she flee a couple of days after she saw me?

“Let’s not jump to conclusions.” Nikki brushed her fingers along my jaw and then slipped them into my hair.

I pressed my cheek to her chest and hugged her. The scent of her fancy body wash kept me from spiraling into a dark place of self-pity and giving in to this anger I’d felt toward Mom all these years.

“If she’s as sick as you said, maybe she doesn’t want to impose on you. Maybe she wants you to remember her the way she used to be, before she got sick.” She kissed the top of my head and peeled my arms from around her. “We’re already here. How about we take a look around and see what we can find? This is our chance to riffle through your uncle’s study. Not that he’d leave your dad’s real will just lying around, but you never know.”

Nikki was right. We had to keep moving. It would’ve been nice to have Mom back, but if she didn’t want that, I had to respect her wishes. Even if I felt like a new hole had been punched through my chest.

“Hey, take a look at these.” Nikki stood by Mom’s vanity table, a bouquet of roses in her hand. “These look fairly fresh.”

“Mom had a bunch of roses on her lap when I saw her. Let’s take them.”

“Okay. But check out what she used to tie them together.” She showed me the stems, wrapped with an empty packet of hot chocolate, neatly folded in three. “I think she left this here for you.”

I removed the pack and smiled at it. After all this time, Mom had finally thought of me and left me a message. The note was barely legible, but it was definitely her writing.

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