Page 49 of Provoke You

15

More Than Resolute Duty and Honor

Ela

“You’re afraid of me.”

Matt was everything I’d hoped he’d be. The same intensity he poured into everything else he did was also there after he’d shed his dark suit and sense of duty. He ruined me for whoever else came after him. The idea that one day I’d have to not be with him hurt, like a punch to the stomach. It sucked that I knew what that meant now.

“Not afraid of you.” He nuzzled my neck, all hot breath and sweat. “This thing with you, though, is hard to describe.”

“It’s okay to just feel and let it be.” As if I had the strength to lift a thousand-pound car, when I pushed on his chest, he moved off me and lay on the bed. I straddled him, feeling the hard muscles of his thighs against mine. I ran my fingers from the side of his face down to his abs. He did the same to me several times until he settled with palming my breasts. I gripped his wrist. “You’re a boob guy.”

“With you, I think any guy would be a boob guy.”

The way he kissed and sucked my chest had me hot for him again. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been flaunting the twins at you for days. You didn’t even bat an eye.”

“I never looked.”

“Why not?”

“It wasn’t right. I was here to protect you, not have my way with you.”

Yeah, he’d been clear on that since the beginning, which made me want him way more than if he’d put the moves on me from the get-go. But that aside, there was more to his hesitation, more than absolute duty and honor. What held him back even now?

“Why do I get the feeling there’s more than your semper fidelis mumbo jumbo?”

I’d gotten so addicted to the sound of his laughter. It fueled me and made me feel a kind of confidence I only felt in my kitchen. He scooted me up so my bare butt lay comfortably on his stomach. Being here like this in the middle of the night, talking, felt like the most normal thing in the world. Though I’d never done this before with another guy. Maybe once with a girlfriend from college, but even that relationship hadn’t lasted past a weekend in the countryside of Paris.

“It’s not mumbo jumbo.”

“I know. I’ve seen it.” I glanced down on my fisted hands on his chest.

“Hey.” He wrapped his fingers in my hair.

“How do you learn to live with that?” Will this fear and sense of loss ever go away? It seemed so impossible. “Or answer me this. What did you have to learn to live with?”

“Are you asking if I’ve ever killed someone?”

“Now I am.” A small rush darted from my cheeks down to my toes. Below me, Matt’s body’s temperature went up a few degrees.

“Yes and no. I’ve never been the one to pull the trigger, but I’ve definitely thrown people in front of the proverbial bullet. So to speak.”

“Can you talk about it?”

He cupped my cheek and kissed me in response. The brooding forehead was back along with the desperation in his breathing. His tongue slid across my lips and past my teeth. If this was a distraction, it was working. I pressed my mouth to his and tasted him too. He let me take over, keeping his hands on my waist and hips. A blast of want spread across my chest. Who knew how long Matt would stay? I had to take advantage of every moment. I picked up my butt and let his erection slide inside me.

He was so hard, I had to sit back to control the pressure. I found our rhythm after a few thrusts, rocking forward every now and then to increase the contact of his cock against my spot. He knew it too because on every pass, he’d somehow get rocklike.

“I’ll take sex with you anytime, but you’re still going to have to answer the question.” I let out a moan, and he laughed. “We can’t fuck forever.”

“I can try.” He rubbed his thumb around my bud using long strokes, firm and then soft. It was as if he could read my mind.

His hot mouth covered the tip of my breast. Between his tongue teasing my nipple, the hard sucking of his mouth, his fingers at my core, and his steely erection inside me, I thought I was going to combust and fall into a dark abyss.

My muscles tightened around him with the onset of my orgasm, and I slowed down. If I surrendered to it now, it would be over too soon. When I felt it again, I stilled my hips, but it was no use, the orgasm grew inside me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I caved into it and let myself spiral along with Matt.

“Shh.” He placed a finger over my lips and held me tight. “We don’t want to wake up the neighbors.”

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