Page 50 of Make You Mine

“Bitty, you know you can talk to me,” she says with suchcompassion that I crumble. The floodgates open, and I'm a sobbing mess within a few moments.

“Oh, Ash.” Settling into my lounger, she comforts me in a big hug. I allow myself to break in her arms for the first time in years.

After what feels like forever, my tears begin to slow, and my breathing is back under control.

“I'm so sorry. I’m a shitty friend,” I say on a shaky breath, letting my true insecurities shine. “The way I just showed up here with Trent, not even giving you a heads-up. And now I'm crying on your special day.” I truly feel like shit, but in the past, I was always so concerned for her safety. At least now we have a plan in place, and I finally feel safe enough to tell her. No best friend should be left in the pitch-black. Our friendship has been so one-sided these past years that the guilt has been eating at me.

Between our late flight last night and the craziness of today setting up for the party, I have had little time to bring her up to speed. Beyond the initial shock, Lottie was excited to see me with Trent by my side. She’s not stupid; she can feel how unhappy I’ve been, even if it hasn’t been said out loud. I owe her more of an explanation for everything that’s been going on. She deserves that, and I need to finally get it off my chest.

“Ashley Marie Castrovinci,” she scolds, and I notice the fact she didn’t use my married name.

“Santini, you mean?” I say softly.

“Fuck that!” she says with a chuckle. “That prick doesn’t deserve you, and besides, you’ve never been his.”

I stare at my best friend, letting her words settle in.

“Talk to me, please. What else is going on?” she begs, grabbing my hands after rearranging ourselves on the lounge chair.

“I honestly don’t even know where to start,” I reply honestly. Because it’s true, where do I even start? Oh, by the way, I’ve been absolutely miserable these past three years. My husband is a monster, and it’s way worse than anyone could have ever imagined. Oh, and I’m having a secret relationship with Trent, which endangers my life and his too. Not to mention that Trent has been expertly trained to be an assassin for a secret society these past few years. Ah yes, let’s not forget that I've been secretly planni?—

“Why don’t you start at the beginning? I think that’s a good place to start,” Lottie interrupts my mental rant. She grabs the lighter from beside me and relights the joint, taking a long drag before passing it to me. It feels good being next to her like this, just like old times, when life was a much easier thing to navigate.

Letting the smoke calm my nerves, I then proceed to unload everything. I tell her about Junior and what my life has been like behind closed doors. I tell her about how Trent and I reconnected and what we’ve been up to while Junior has been in Italy. I fill her in on Micah and Luca, making sure to leave out any major details involving The Saints and their role in all of this.

“So what now, and how can I help?” she asks after I finish, like I didn’t unleash a shitload of information on her. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’ve kept this from her. She would stop at nothing to make sure I was okay. Even if that meant risking her own life to save mine. She will always be my ride-or-die.

“There’s only one solution to all of this…” I think of what still needs to happen and what plans have already been set in motion.

“Junior needs to take a long swim with the fishes,” Lottie says, emphasizing her New York accent. I burst out laughing.

“Since when did you get all Mafioso on me?”

“I’ve been practicing. Greyson’s been on a Sopranos kick lately.” She shakes her hand with pinched fingers.

We both break out into hysterical laughter, collapsing into each other while trying to catch our breath. But this is one of those moments when if you look at the person you were laughing with, you’ll start the laughing fit all over again, like some sort of hyena.

“There you guys are?” a voice rings out, startling us both. We turn around to find Emerson standing at the tent opening with a sleepy Kiran on her hip.

“Sorry, lost track of time,” I say, not knowing how long we’ve been out here.

“Don’t be sorry at all. I'm about to put the little guy to bed, then I think Frankie talked the boys into playing a game,” Emerson says.

“Sounds great. We’ll be right in,” Lottie replies, and Emerson heads back inside.

Before we get up, Lottie wraps her arms around me once more. “Please don’t ever think you're a shitty friend. You’re my person, Bitty, and I will always be here for you. No matter what.”

“I love you, Tig,” I say softly, attempting to keep my emotions in check.

“And remember, I'm your girl if we need to make anyone disappear.” She whips out the strong accent once again. And just like before, we both crack up.

We stand up and stroll back into the house with our arms linked together. I smile inwardly, thankful for my best friend and the people who surround us. For the people who are slowly but surely putting the light back into my eyes and a smile on my face.

When all seems lost, it’s important to remember I'm no longer alone in this.

Even in darkness, there is light…

And we will make it out alive.

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