Page 40 of Unbreak My Heart

He rubbed his arm, frowning. He knew Max was right, and most of the time he was fine with it all, but sometimes… Sometimes it still hit hard, that he felt he wasn’t up to scratch.

“She’s got a kid,” he whispered.

The anger drained from Max’s face. “I know, dude.”

He plucked at his wet jeans. “I met him a couple of months ago. I’ve seen him several times now. The kid? Matty.” He started laughing. “His name isMatthew, for fuck’s sake.”

“Popular name.”

Simon sent his brother a withering glare.

“I know. Bit of a coincidence, eh?”

He rubbed his palm on his jeans. “He’s a nice kid. Real friendly.” He touched his neck, still able to feel tiny ghost arms hanging around it. “That first day we met? He hugged me and showed me his favourite teddy.”

Max’s eyebrows shot up. “He hid from me the couple of times I’ve met him. Wanted nothing to do with me.”

“That’s ’cos you’re ugly,” Simon shot back, a smile tipping the corner of his mouth. Surprise washed through him while hewaited for another thump, one that didn’t eventuate. A massive laugh from Max echoed in the Jeep, though.

Max was usually the one thateveryonegravitated toward. He was the proverbial big brother figure.

“How…” Max cleared his throat. “Was it difficult?”

Simon shook his head, watching the rain run down the window in thick rivulets. “No. Not how you’re thinking. I was shocked. And maybe a little… I don’t know… scared? Stupid, I know.”

“Not stupid, Si. Not stupid at all.”

Simon shrugged, not sure how to put what he was feeling into words. “It wasn’tbad. Eva looked like she was going to have a heart attack when he jumped on me. I think she thought I’d break, or something.”

He looked at his brother, then. “I don’t want to be that person, Max. I don’t want to be the one everyone treats differently, walks on eggshells around, scared I’ll break if they say or do the wrong thing. That’s not how I feel. Maybe back when it all happened, yeah. But not now. I know I’ve been an ass regarding the kids. And I’m sorry. It’s just… hard.”

Max’s hand was back, gripping the back of his neck this time. That particular version of a bro hug had always had the same effect: a calming of his pulse, a slowing of his heartbeat. It just let him breathe easier, and he had no idea why.

Max knew it and used it when he thought Simon needed help.

Who knew, maybe he did.

“I want to be there. For you. For Darb. For the kids. I-I’ve been seeing a therapist for almost a year now.” He ignored Max’s surprise and pushed on. He needed to get it out while he could. “Iamgetting better. I love them, dude. I just freeze up when they come close. I promise I’ll try harder.”

Max’s strong fingers massaged his neck, relaxing his tense shoulders. “I know you will. And I know you’ll get there, Si.Heck, it’s only been a bit over a year. No one thinks any worse of you. The kids won’t notice anything’s wrong for ages yet. You have time. You don’t need to rush it. I have faith in you.”

Simon closed his eyes and just breathed through the intense emotion swirling through him like a tsunami. He didn’t deserve the family he had. They were all so caring, so forgiving.

It was time he got out of his own way and got involved in life again. He’d been in a holding pattern for far too long, and now its usefulness had worn out.

Placing his hand on the door handle, he glanced at Max. “Thanks. I’m gonna get outta here. I’ll see you later.”

He didn’t specify when. It wasn’t uncommon to see one of his family members daily, sometimes several of them.

The joys of living in a small town.

He didn’t wait for Max’s reply and jumped out, slamming the car door in his haste to get through the pelting rain.

The Jeep’s engine started with a growl and Simon stumbled over something on the ground. He looked down to see a woman’s purse stuck in the mud.

The pale, lemon yellow rectangle looked familiar.

He bent and grabbed it, then ran for his own ute. He fell inside and sat there, dripping onto his vinyl seats, then flipped the purse open to look for the driver’s license or any other ID.

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