Page 62 of Be My Baby

Millie waited patiently. Whatever it was must be big, if it took this much effort to wind up to the subject.

Sad eyes looked into her own. “You may get upset with what I’m about to tell you, but please let me finish before you say anything. Lucy had her reasons. I needed to respect them. It was the least I could do.”

Sadness gripped Millie’s stomach, somersaulting it. She nodded confirmation that he should continue.

Max rolled onto his side to face her and pushed a stray bit of damp hair from her face. “I knew Lucy had a bit of a crush on me. I never encouraged it because at the time I was in love with you.”

Millie’s eyes went wide. He placed a finger on her lips to forestall any comments from her.

“You were with Ryan and, at that point, happy. I love him like a brother. Iwantedhim to be happy, for you to be happy, but it gutted me every time I saw you together. Lucy knew.” He scraped his hand over his mouth and looked at the necklace puddled in the hollow of her throat, reaching out a hand to touch it. Warm fingers glanced her skin. “She saw everything. Noticed the smallest things about everyone around her. I loved that about her.”

Millie smiled sadly. Yes, Lucy had always taken notice of the small things. The things that meant the most, in the end.

“Anyway, she came into the bar one morning and I knew something was wrong. She’d just gotten her diagnosis. She didn’t know how to tell Ryan or you, and came to me. She needed to vent. Just to rail at how damned unfair it all was.”

He breathed deeply and held it, his eyes closed. Millie reached up and brushed his hair from his eyes. She hated seeing him upset, and losing Lucy had nearly shattered all of them, Max more than any other.

How had they gotten to that point when he had apparently loved her?

“She broke down. She’d been given six months. Six pathetic, measly months. The thing that upset her the most was the thought of dying alone. Of dying without having met that special someone. She admitted then to being in love with me. I hadn’t realised.”

Millie nodded. “I knew. She’d been nuts about you for a long time. Just seeing you when we went to the Cow made her day.”

Max nodded and huffed a laugh. His attention strayed back to her necklace. “I told her that I wouldn’t let her be alone, that I’d be there for her, if she wanted me.” He looked at her then, tears building in his clear blue eyes. “So I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. I loved her—deeply—but as a friend, you know?”

Millie’s mouth fell open. Shock flooded her blood.

“So… you guys weren’t actually together when she told us about your engagement that day?”

Max shook his head. Millie blinked. Pain welled. Pain that her dearest friend hadn’t known how to tell her how much she was hurting, and had instead covered it withgoodnews of her and Max.

“Th-that day… She told you she was dyingthatday?” Her eyes sought his. “Your engagement day?” she whispered. Her mind whirled, calculating dates, times.

Max nodded. He swallowed noticeably and sucked in a deep breath.

“She knew I wasn’t in love with her. I couldn’t bear the thought of her going through all that, of despairing late at night, all alone. I offered support and, basically, me. She accepted. She decided she didn’t want anyone to know about the cancer yet, that she’d rather wait. I agreed because it washerdecision to make. We waited until after the wedding so that she could have that memory, untarnished. All our friends and family around her, delighted that her dreams had come true. She only wanted to be happy. I could give her that. So I did.”

Millie couldn’t help the sob that left her. Max leaned in and pressed his forehead to her own. His scent swirled down deep into her lungs. She grasped onto that fresh, crisp scent of him, holding it tight.

“Please don’t be angry. I know it must come as a surprise, but I wanted to do anything I could to make her time left happy. She understood that.”

Millie shook her head. She pushed him back so she could look into his eyes. “I’m notangry. My God, Max! You gave her what she wanted most. You made her so damned happy that she never stopped smiling, even at the end. But knowing she waited to tell us… it hurts. I understand why, but it doesn’t change it. But you… you gave her everything.”

She’d hadsixmonths. By the time Lucy had told everyone, she’d had less than three.

Three.

Max couldn’t hold her gaze. He looked at her shoulder and shrugged. The tears building in his eyes tumbled down his cheeks. He swiped at them with the back of his hand.

“I’m no martyr, Millie. I knew she was going to die.” He choked on the last word and shook his head, then continued, heavy sarcasm lacing his words. “It wasn’t like it was for life, right? At least, not mine. You could actually call me a selfish bastard.Iwanted her to be happy.Iwanted her to not be alone.I. SoImarried her.” He puffed a strange cross of a laugh and a pained sob. “I didn’t expect to fall for her. Totally, head over heels, madly in love.”

The sobs burst from him, his face crumpling. Millie pulled his head to her shoulder, her own tears running down her cheeks. Pain, sadness, anger, and frustration flooded her body in waves.

“It’s all right. I get it. And you aren’t selfish. Wanting someone to be happy isnotselfish, Max. It’s not like you deceived her, lied about loving her. Both of you made a pact.” She shoved him upward, making him look at her. She wiped away the tears still running down his face. “So what if you knew she was going to die? It doesn’t make what you did any less important, not to me and not to Lucy; doesn’t make it any less special. The fact that you fell for her?” She cupped his face and wiped at his tears with her thumbs. “I’d say that’s the most painful thing of all, because you lost yourwife. The woman you loved. It doesn’t matterhowyou got to where you were. I saw how it affected you. We all did. Never think you did anything wrong simply because it wasn’t conventional.”

Max swallowed and nodded slowly. “I need you to know… I’m so sorry I pushed you away. I took off my ring.” He looked down at his bare left hand. “The night of the fire? I took it off and said goodbye. I was—am—ready to move on. I have been for a long time. It was just easier to wear it, you know?” He flexed his hand. Millie watched the light of the bedside lamp flicker over his fingers. “I thought I was being punished. For taking it off.”

He let out a soft laugh and shook his head. “Stupid, right? Right at the end she’d made me promise to not go there with you. I don’t know, maybe she realised that one day we might be in the same place at the same time, and she didn’t like it. Who knows. I did my best to keep to that promise.”

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