Page 57 of My Karmic Destiny

“I admire you,” I tell her as we take a bite of the cotton candy I insisted I buy for her. “You’ve experienced so much, surviving your rough start in life like a badass.”

“The alternative wasn’t an option. If I allowed myself to get depressed, I don’t think I would have lasted beyond my teens. I’d probably have drank myself to death or gotten into a situation I couldn’t get out of.”

As she shares more of herself, I remember I need to do the same. She should know all the darkness so she can make an educated decision to take this further.

“My parents were druggies,” I confide for the first time in my life. “I never wanted to be like them, but I’ve used alcohol to numb my pain. So I suppose I’m not much better.”

“Don’t say that.” Tessa takes my arm as we walk. “From what I sensed in my life and some studies are suggesting is that addiction is often linked to loss of connection. Loneliness is a mind fuck. I fell into the dark pit a few times.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, like how I was hurt.”

“Then we keep talking. Keep being honest,” she says like it’s the simplest thing in the world. In theory, it is. But people aren’t taught how to be truly open. Especially guys.

“Yeah, I suppose I’ve only just started to feel a genuine connection with you and Evan. I was in Instant’s employment for six years, cut off from the rest of the world in many ways. Evan only started talking about real stuff when you joined ourranks. And now, when we bonded over our feelings for you, we…”

“And now you’re deepening the physical aspect too?” she prompts when I trail off. “Does that scare you, being close to people?”

“It’s more than just being closer,” I explain. “I’m feeling more than just physical attraction and friendship. I’m afraid of handing over my heart to someone and it isn’t as meaningful to them.”

“Makes sense. I feel the same way about all this with the three of you.” Her fingers linked with mine tighten.

We finish our candy and toss the paper in the trash just as we exit out of the front gates of the event.

“You don’t have to answer me but is he your first guy?” she asks as we find our car.

Her voice is hesitant. I hear the worry that she might upset me. Make me angry. That hesitation triggers me. She should never feel the need to hold back with me. If she does, that’s my fault.

I pull her to a stop just as we reach the SUV’s passenger door. “I never want there to be secrets between us. So please, ask me anything and everything. I don’t want to be someone you have to walk on eggshells to be around.”

Her eyes widen, then she softens, leaning into my touch. “I always had to watch what I said around my dad, and again, with a string of shitty guys.”

“I’ll kick my own ass if I ever make you feel that way,” I promise vehemently. I throw my leg back and knock my butt. When she chuckles at that, I answer her previous question. “Yes, Evan’s my first time with a guy. I never allowed myself to entertain the idea of being gay or bi.”

“Then be easy on yourself. This…” She points to me, and herself, then does a looping circle in the air. “With them too. It’sall new to all of us. So I’ll be as honest with you as I possibly can. It isn’t in my nature to be trusting and open—to volunteer my inner self and thoughts. I’m trying though.”

Compared to me, she seems like an open book. I find it oddly comforting to know I’m not the only one struggling with being in a relationship.

I give her a peck on the lips and open her door.

We drive back toward the mansion, but before we get to our driveway, I pull over between some trees at the vacant lot next door.

Tessa looks at me with a confused expression. “Where are we going? TheClub?” She uses the code word for her sacred circle we used when we were plotting against Instant.

It’s also the place where I died, and she brought me back.

“It’s a surprise!” I jump out of the car and guide her back to our hidden spot.

She sucks in a gasp as she sees what I’ve done with the space. There’s a canvas tent, lit up with battery operated fairy lights. One of the mansion’s fancy wooden chaise lounge chairs that’s wide enough for two people. A snuggly throw and pillows are set and ready for us on top.

I suddenly realize she might not have wanted a bunch of shit in her sacred circle, no matter the intention. “Is this okay?”

“It’s perfect!” She tugs on my hand excitedly, and we both rush forward.

Tessa peeks inside the tent and finds a bed palate, cushy sleeping bags, and a bunch of pillows. “Aw! Kurtis, this is so romantic.”

“I hoped we could watch the meteor shower that’s going on tonight and just chill.”

Her eyes lift to take in the starry night. “I thought I saw a few earlier.”

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