Page 62 of Charming Her Monsters

“But I’m a witch… and I don’t even know the first thing about being one.” I suck in my tears and add, “I don’t even have my magic.”

Calder breathes in deeply and then pulls back to look me in the eye. “Your magic is coming in now. I suspect you will be at full power soon.”

“I will?” I glance down at my hands and wonder how magic works in reality. I need a change of subject. “Does magic get depleted when a magical person uses it? And if it does, does it have to be refilled like recharging batteries?”

“If you use too much at once, you can become drained. Some beings drain faster than others, depending on the magic they have and how much control they have over it. And some take a long time to draw the energy, depending on what their source is.”

“Oh, you mean like how Osen draws from sexual energy?”

Sadness flashes over Calder’s face. He glances at where his hands still rest on my knees. He appears a bit bewildered by his actions.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I say. “Oh, and I should tell you I thought I felt him. But his energy must be low after Rob’s attack. I’d give him what he needs to regain his strength, but I don’t know how to do that. Before, he just showed up and you know… did stuff… in the shadowscape.”

“You really didn’t mind being intimate with him?” Calder removes his touch, sits back on his heels, and studies me.

I pick at my fingers for a moment. I don’t know what to say. He was in love with Osen, and it feels like I’m the other woman.

“Hey?” Calder places his hand back on my knee. “We weren’t exclusive, even when he was alive. It’s okay if you enjoyed being with him. But if you didn’t want it, I’d like to know that too. I would be angry if he forced himself on you.”

“Even if I’m a witch?” I ask. I can’t believe he’s being so kind to me. It’s like a switch has been flipped. When I think about it, it’s often the tough guys who are so damned sensitive that they put up walls upon walls.

Maybe he cares too deeply and can’t afford to allow anyone inside.

“I can’t keep blaming all witches for what a few have done to my pack and me. I can see it in your eyes. You could never be that cruel.”

I’m stunned by his words, and I feel a weight being lifted that I didn’t realize I was carrying. As if I was taking on all the sins of my kind and now I’m able to drop that to only carry my own sins.

“Did he force you to do anything you didn’t want to do?” Calder asks again.

“Not sexually. I enjoyed that part. But he coerced me to go to the alleyway. He said he would take my body from me and go anyway if I didn’t.”

Calder breathes out. “He’s a stubborn asshole, isn’t he?”

“From what I’ve experienced, yeah.” I bite my lip.

Will he ask about what I’ve seen in Osen’s thoughts?

Just with that worry, my mind flashes back to the scene in the hotel. I remember myself as Osen, with an aching, hard erection. I can actually feel the sensation of sliding into Calder’s tight ass. My skin heats, and my clit perks up, wondering if she’s going to get some play time.

He cocks a brow, reading me like a neon sign. “You saw me in his memories, didn’t you?”

“Uh, yeah. A little.” I hurry to explain, “But I didn’t mean to seethat. I just sort of fell into the memories. At the time, I didn’t think they were real. I thought they were fantasies.”

“And seeing two men together is a fantasy for you?”

“I mean, it’s not like an obsession or anything. But two beautiful men, expressing their desire, what’s not to like?”

“Do you put yourself in the middle of these men you fantasize about?”

“Well, not always, because it isn’t even about that. And sure, sometimes, I imagine being included. I suppose I write romance because I haven’t had much love in my life. I haven’t had the epic story where someone falls for me so hard that they would do anything for me.”

“Except now you have,” he says poignantly.

“Maybe,” I whisper.

“Maybe?”

I sigh. I might as well tell Calder, as he will confirm my concern. Then I can deal with the painful truth. “I’m going to let you in on something I’m worried about. My theory is that Arran and Maxum are attracted to Osen’s energy inside me. Their affection is not really about me, per se.”

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