Page 47 of Might as Well

“Exhausted, hurt, and like my migraine is about to surge up again.”

Cassie encourages me to get some rest while she finds something to watch on TV with the subtitles on. Zane will be back. He won’t stay away long.

But I had no idea just how long Zane would stay away.

Hours later, my migraine is finally subsiding when my doorbell sounds throughout the house. Cassie goes to answer it for me, but a moment later, I hear, “Uh, Vi. Can you come here?”

With a sigh, I shuffle my feet until I stand next to Cassie. And when I see the pair on the other side, my stomach drops. I’venever thought much about the moment I’d see my parents again. I wasn’t even sure if I would. Grandma refused to let us visit them and at some point, as I realized why they were in prison, I didn’t want to see them. Childhood wasn’t that easy with my parents. Grandma gave us a much better life.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“We’re out! Isn’t that great news?” my mother exclaims. “Aren’t you going to invite us in?”

“When…when did you get out?”

“Last month,” my father answers.

They look...different. Older, obviously. But worn down by life too. The last thing I want to deal with while Zane is ignoring me is my parents. A flood of my childhood memories rushes back. Nights where Graham and I went hungry because they were too high or not even home to bother feeding us. Nights when we’d hear them arguing and fighting. Nights where we’d cuddle together in my bed because the house was full of scary people.

I absolutely do not want them in my house. And as much as it pains me, I don’t understand why they are here.

“I’m not really up for visitors,” I start, causing the expressions to harden on both of their faces for a split second.

“Maybe leave a number and Vi can reach out when she’s feeling better?” Cassie says. She turns to me. “Go lie back down. I’ll see to this.”

Normally, I wouldn’t dare to leave my best friend to fight my battles for me, but I’m supposed to lean on others for support. She wants to help. I won’t deny her the opportunity.

I just wish I knew why my parents were here. It can’t be as simple as wanting to see me, can it? I don’t even know if I want anything to do with them. It’s been so long and they are practically strangers. I should feel elated to see them, but instead, I just have a pit in my stomach.

As I crawl back into bed, all I can think is how I wish Zane were here.

Each day that passes where Zane doesn’t return my texts and sends my calls straight to voicemail, the more my heart hardens. How could he accuse me of such a thing and then not even give me an opportunity to explain? How can he say he loves me if he’s so easily swayed by a partial picture and so willing to walk away?

Cassie keeps me company, but it’s Christmas Day and I know she has festivities with her family.

“You should come with me,” she says. “This is the first Christmas in years you’ve even let me see your face and I’ll be damned if you spend it alone.”

“I’m okay.”

“Vi—” she starts.

“I still don’t feel well.” The past few days I’ve felt off. My period must be coming soon because it’s like a dose of PMS on steroids and I’ve been miserable.

Cassie sighs.

“I’ll be okay. Just come back when you’re done and we’ll watch movies.”

She perks up since I’m allowing her to come back to my house. She’s not left since I called her to tell her what happened with Zane. It’s been nice to finally let her in more and have that support. I was an idiot for not doing it sooner.

“Okay, but if you change your mind or need anything, I’ll come back. You know how my family is.” She rolls her eyes as if they are the most annoying bunch.

Reassured that I won’t fall apart since I’ve yet to do so, Cassie goes on to get ready and leaves. I laze in bed, watching TV whileshe’s gone. I try calling Zane and text him, but no responseagain.

His mom texts me, though.

Ellen Landry

Merry Christmas, Violet. I wish you were here with us.

---