Page 4 of Might as Well

The water begins to move in sync with music. Yet I’m continuously distracted by the man behind me. It doesn't help that his fingers do a dance along my hips. Someone nearby shouts something about the Lord, but they might as well be a thousand miles away. How can a simple thrum of fingers send my heart racing? Since the view in front of me isn’t distracting me enough, I turn around and face Zane.

“What's your secret?”

He grins, as if thrilled I'm turning the tables and asking him. Tortuously slow, he bends his head until he's a breath away. “I want to do extremely dirty things to you, but I'd settle for a kiss.” He pretends to think for a moment. “Or your number.”

“You can have the kiss,” I reply without hesitation. Why wouldn’t I? My body craves Zane and his statement dangles in front of me like a tempting treat.

Zane doesn't hesitate. He cups the back of my neck and kisses me. My knees weaken. A new word needs to be invented. Kiss is such an inadequacy. He presses his lips to mine as if this moment is what makes or breaks us, as if our very fate depends on this kiss, and we aren't willing to break apart to see how we fare. The whole world stops. I swear it.

His mouth consumes me. Devours me. My heart disintegrates, completely overwhelmed with emotions. It feels like safety, love, comfort, and pure bliss all wrapped in one crazily hot package. This moment, I want to live within it forever.

Zane breaks free. Barely. His chest heaves against mine, his lips huff air against mine. “Want to go somewhere?”

“Yep.”

What?

Did I just agree to what I think I agreed to? There's not a lot of time to think about it. Zane works fast in hauling me down the street. He stops after a few steps to maul me again. His hands run up and down my back, underneath my shirt, and then his hands freeze mid-back.

“Fuck. Your room okay?” He hesitates and then adds, “I am having to room with a, uh, co-worker.”

“Sure.”

We turn around and hightail it the way we originally came, every so often stopping for Zane to kiss me. In the back of my mind, I wonder if it's odd that he decided to gamble in a different casino than the one he's staying in. Zane doesn't give me a lot of time to think, though.

I text Cassie and let her know that I have a horrible migraine and I'm turning in for the night. Thank goodness I got a room to myself; that should ensure I'm left alone. She also knows that my migraines can be pretty debilitating. If I say I need to step away for that, no one will question me.

Just before we step onto the elevator, a couple steps out.

“Hey! Aren't you Zane Landry?” the guy asks.

“Sorry, no. I get that all the time, though,” Zane replies.

“You get mistaken for someone else who has the same first name?” I ask when the guy continues on his way.

He shrugs. “Sometimes.”

He corners me the moment the elevator doors close, kisses me, and I forget all about his case of mistaken identity. I never thought I’d be one to make out in public, or have sex in a public place, but when his hands are on me, his mouth attacks mine, and his body presses fully against me, I lose all common sense.I would follow his lead, wherever he wants to go. Even if he wanted to strip me naked in this elevator right now.

Zane pulls away a moment before the elevator doors open. Amazingly, without any hesitation, I lead him to my room. And what ensues blows my mind. The passion. The heat. The unbelievable ecstasy. It’s as if we already know each other well enough that pleasing one another is seamless. It’s never been so easy to be with someone as it is with Zane. It’s never been as wonderful as with Zane. What kind of black magic spell has been cast on us? I mean, I knew by the looks of Zane, things in the bedroom may be good, and this wasdefinitelya risk that turned out to be well worth it.

It’s almost as if there was a ravenous sex drive hidden within me and with every orgasm he gives me, it slowly comes out of hiding until I’m addicted and needy. Yes, I can certainly stay in this bed with Zane and never leave again.

We start to drink as well. This is partly my fault because it’s even more crystal clear why I’m here in Vegas and what is missing from my life. The thought depresses me enough that I don’t want to think of it anymore. I don’t want to think how bleak my life will look once I return to North Carolina. I don’t want to think about the cards life dealt me and how they weigh me down until I’m drowning.

I don’t want to think about how this one-night stand will likely be the best night I’ve had in the last few years.

I want to forget all of that and enjoy the person in front of me, even though I won’t ever see him again.

“Tell me yours,” he whispers at some point.

Ah, right. A secret. He did share one with me. He also most certainly earned it. He could ask anything of me at this point and I’d give it to him. It’s no surprise to me that once again any ounce of hesitation flies out the window.

With my gaze on the ceiling, I easily reply, “I wish I was the one getting married.” Tears swell and I work to blink them away. “All I want is a family. A family that actually loves me. It's been so long since I've felt loved, I don't even know what it feels like anymore. I just want a family again so damn bad.”

If Zane takes pity on me, he doesn't say. Instead, he kisses me softly and then one kiss turns to two. Then three. And a kiss turns into more. How sad that it's a one-night stand with Zane that makes me happier than anything else has in the past few years.

When I awake in the morning, a migraine actually pulses throughout my head. I pull the blanket over my head with a groan. Hidden beneath the comfort of the sheets, I rub my face when an unfamiliar texture grazes my skin. I toss the covers off my head and look at my hand, the source of oddness.

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