Page 25 of Might as Well

“I meant my grandma.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay, so they aren’t dead. What happened to them then? Where are they?” He still sounds curious and clearly understanding.

I stare down at my hands, unable to look at him. Once I say this, it may change things for the worse. “They are in prison. I was nine and Graham was five when they were sentenced. Apparently, my parents dealt drugs and of course, people died from overdoses. I don’t even know when they are supposed to get out. Once they went away, we went to stay with my grandma.

“I honestly don’t think I want to know, so I’ve never looked it up. I’m not sure if Graham knows. My grandma was so upset with them she refused to let us visit. Whenever we asked about them, she shut us down and reminded us as gently as possible that they were gone and weren’t coming back. At some point, we just stopped bringing them up because it upset Grandma.

“She raised us and took good care of us. She was the best thing to ever happen to us. She died after having a stroke when I was nineteen; Graham was fifteen.” My grandma was an amazing woman. I’ll forever be grateful that she took over and raised us.

“I’m sorry, Violet,” Zane says with so much sincerity, it’s almost too much. I shrug and he thankfully moves on. “And Graham? Why do you still take care of him?”

“He’s my brother,” I state simply.

Zane shakes his head and looks at me for a moment. “Why doesn’t he have a job?” he clarifies.

I sigh. “After high school, he didn’t know what he wanted to do and I told him to take some time to figure it out. Lord knows we don’t need to waste money on him going to college and continuously changing his major. Anyway, he’s still working on figuring that out, I guess.”

“That doesn’t explain why he doesn’t work, Violet,” he gently points out.

“Zane, I don’t know!” I reply, exasperated, and throw my hands up in the air. “I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s just so…so mean. Losing my grandma was like the final straw for him and hell if I know what I’m doing. If he needs to live with me and have me pay his way, it’s the least I can do.”

Zane puts the utensil down and moves until he steps between my knees. He cups my face. “I say this with the best of intentions, babe. You catering to him is not doing him any good. He needs to get a job or go to school or both. He could join the military. Anything would be better than what he’s currently doing because he needs to pull his weight. There’s no need for you to pay his bills while he does whatever the fuck he wants when he’s fully capable of doing his part. And I can tell you right now, if you don’t say something to him, I will. I don’t knowmuch, but what I’ve seen so far, he’s a prick who needs his ass handed to him.”

“I’ll think about it,” I tell him quietly. Just the thought of confronting Graham causes my stomach to sour. It’ll be such a fucking argument and lacking the energy to fight him is why I haven’t said anything to him at this point. Ass or not, he’s the only family I have left. I don’t want to push him away.

Why am I even telling him all of this? We’re married, but it wasn’t a careful decision we made. He’s still more of a stranger than a husband. But I’ll be damned if there’s not something about him that soothes my soul. That’s why I’m still hanging around.

“I’m sorry,” I say as he moves back in front of the stove.

“For what?”

What exactly am I sorry for? That he saw me like that? That he’s realizing he married a person incompetent at life? An apology simply felt necessary. When Zane realizes I don’t have an answer, he asks another question.

“What about the migraines? When did they start?”

They’ve been with me for so long, it takes a moment for me to really think about it.

“Six years ago, maybe?”

“And they don’t know why? Nothing new happened around that time? There’s nothing they can do to really help?” he asks as he moves to grab a set of plates.

For the first time in a long time, I think about my life six years ago. What was going on? I was living on my own. I just started my business. I met a guy who turned out to be a complete loser and unfortunately, I lost my virginity to him. Live and learn, I guess.

Wait.

“My birth control,” I whisper. Could that really be it? “I got on birth control shortly before they started. How did I never see that?” How did the doctors never see that?

“Come off and see what happens then,” Zane says as if we’re talking about the weather.

I raise an eyebrow. He’d have to wear a condom then. Is it bad that I’d almost rather not come off the birth control? I always thought guys were full of shit when they said condoms make things feel different. And then I experienced sex with no condom.Hugedifference.

“Maybe,” I reply. I’d need to look into alternatives first, but I can’t deny that the thought of getting rid of my migraines is exciting.

“I’m here to help in whatever way I can, Violet. You’re not alone and you can rely on me.”

His words are sweet, but I can’t believe he’s saying them. The words leave my mouth before I can think twice.

“Why? I’m a burden, Zane. I lost my parents when I was a kid and then my grandma had to raise me and my brother. Then, she died. I had to take care of my brother, who acts as if I fuck everything up. I feel like I have issue after issue. Why would anyone want to put up with me? I’m honestly flabbergasted you haven’t gone running for the hills yet.”

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