Page 32 of Might as Well

Finally.

After five years, I’m finally making some sort of progress with my brother. Zane wraps me in a hug and before I can help myself, the tears fall. All the stress and anxiety and weariness bombards me at once. It leaks out of me and into Zane, who doesn’t seem fazed at all.

This weight of having to care for my brother, of walking on eggshells around him, of trying my best to move on while feeling like I’m walking in place has lifted ever so slightly off my shoulders. I’m terrified to get my hopes up that it will continue. That things are taking a turn for the better.

“I know just what’ll cheer you up,” Zane says as he releases me, only to move around the bed where he climbs in. He turns on the TV and pulls me close. I half-heartedly laugh as the Food Network appears on the screen.

It is scary what Zane has done to me. How he makes me feel. How at home I feel with him. Part of me thinks if I only ever had Zane—just Zane—for the rest of my life, I would still feel fulfilled. I don’t know what to think about that except to worry about what will happen if he is taken away from me.

“What’s something that scares you?”

“Alligators,” I answer without thinking.

“What?” Zane asks with a laugh, turning his head to look at me.

“They are absolutely terrifying. They can live up to fifty years and weigh as much as half a ton. Half aton, Zane. And they can jump. They canleapup tofivefreaking feet into the air. Which I should have realized was something they can do since they can jump up for food, but five feet? And then they have these short yet long, freakish little legs, but they can run. Not like a cute little pitter-patter type of run; those jokers can get up to thirty-five miles per hour on land! They could speed through a school zone. It’s horrifying, but that’s not even the worst of it. They canclimb. That’s what started my irrational fear. I saw a video online one day of a gator climbing a chain-link fence and thought that couldn’t possibly be real. But I looked it up and I’ll be damned if those things can’t climb. I’ve been scared ever since. Like, I obviously wouldn’t go up to one before, but now? I don’t want tobe within twenty yards of one. I even have nightmares now. Why are you laughing?”

“You’re fucking adorable,” he says between chuckles.

I frown. My fear of gators is ridiculous but very much real. It’s annoying. All it took was one video and a web search to learn more and the nightmares started. They don’t happen on a regular basis, but more often than I’d like.

“What are you scared of then?” I ask with a bite in my tone.

His laughter dies, making me feel guilty for some reason, and his mouth parts, but he doesn’t say anything. There’s a tension in the air that wasn’t there a second ago. His mind definitely went to something more serious and heavy, I guess.

“Lots of things,” he finally says.

“I told you the first thing that came to mind; what came to yours?” I really want to know and I hope he’ll be honest with me.

Zane hesitates again, which makes me think he won’t tell me, but Zane isn’t one to let me down. “Ending up alone.”

My brows pull together and I frown. I don’t understand. “Alone? You’ve got your team and your parents; why would you be alone?”

“Not in that sense,” he clarifies and motions between us. “Alone with no one to spend my life with.”

Oh.

While I still don’t think that would ever happen to him, I’m surprised he does and that he admitted it. I wouldn’t have expected that to be his biggest fear. Maybe that explains why he was with a woman who didn’t want a relationship and why he was hopeful anyway.

Suddenly nervous, I force a smile. “Well, you snagged a wife, so that takes care of that. If you could get rid of all the alligators, I’d be grateful.”

Zane laughs, kisses me quickly, and then hugs me against him. “Afraid I can’t help with that. I won’t let a gator get you,though.” He kisses the top of my head. “Rest up, Violet. We have an exciting day tomorrow.”

There is no place I’d rather be than snuggled against his side.

“We should get ornaments next, right?” Zane asks as we unload the tree and cart it into the house.

“No, I have some.”

Thirty minutes later, the tree is in place and Zane has helped bring down tubs filled with my grandma’s Christmas decorations. We’ve strung the lights on and are taking out the decorations when Graham walks through the door. He stops short at the sight. Zane said we could take it to his house, but I’m hoping Graham will come around more to the idea of spending the holiday with me if I have it at my house. I felt bad about it briefly, but Zane offered me the option.

“Want to help?” I ask Graham.

“No.” He stalks off to his bedroom and slams the door behind him. Well, either he’s in a bad mood or he’s not happy about the holiday decor.

“He’ll come around,” Zane says quietly.

I sure hope so. There’s nothing I want more than to get along with Graham. He’s my only family. Being at odds with each other all the time exhausts and saddens me. The best Christmas gift would be for us to be happy with each other.

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