Page 46 of Loving Luna

“I mean, maybe. I just…”

“You can confess to Drake when the time is right. And if he feels the need to punish you for it, then… you take the licks. You’re not one to shy away from a punishment anyway.”

“Oh.” Well, when she put it that way… it made sense.

“Look, I’m not trying to push you, Luna. I just want to help. Anyone who looks at you can see that you are in pain. That you are struggling. That you need to do something for yourself. If you don’t want a scene because of the agreement you made with Drake, I respect that. But if you do, I’m here.”

Fuck. Did I dare? Suddenly I wanted a spanking so badly I couldn’t breathe. Did it make me an awful person? I’d called Maureen down here to talk, but I couldn't seem to get my thoughts straight. Had I even tried or was I just taking the easyway out? I sucked in air and looked at her through tear-filled eyes. “Maybe we could just go somewhere a little more private? To talk? And…”

“And see what happens?” Maureen nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that. Where do you want to go?” She looked at her watch. “Your suite is probably empty for a few more hours.”

She was right, it would be, but I wouldn’t be able to relax there. She must have seen it on my face, because she cocked a brow and said, “Let’s go to my place.”

I nodded and pulled to my feet, grabbing my bag. “Thank you.”

We headed back to the apartment Maureen shared with Trent and settled me on the couch, then grabbed two bottles of water before joining me.

“Okay, let’s talk.” She sat, leaning toward me. “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

It was a loaded question. Did I have the answer? “I…. The timing sucks. This thing with Drake is so new. We’d just had dinner with his parents the night before and told them we were together. They were so happy. After dinner, Drake went for a walk with his dad and after he came back, we had a great talk and worked through some stuff. That night was so good. Until… until it wasn’t.” My voice cracked as I remembered.

Talking was hard.

“It is hard,” Maureen agreed.

Crap. Had I said that out loud?

“Sometimes a spanking can help unclog some of the stuff in your brain to make it easier. But your options aren't to talk or get spanked. Your options are talk or get spanked and then talk.”

“I understand. I’m just…”

“Still struggling with the agreement you made with Drake?”

I nodded.

“I get that. I understand. I would feel the same way. Is going back and talking to him an option?”

I shook my head. It wasn’t. I couldn’t. Drake had his own problems. I couldn’t burden him with mine, especially not when they were so woven together. I also couldn’t go on like I was. Maureen was right. I’d been running ragged, neglecting myself in order to care for him. Drake wasn’t himself right now, but he was a good Daddy, a good Dom. That wasn’t what he would want. He’d want me to take care of myself and to get whatever I needed, even if I couldn’t get it from him. If he wanted, much later, when things weren’t so hard, to punish me for breaking a rule, I’d submit. But if I didn’t do something now, there wouldn’t be a later.

Even if I did something now, I still wasn’t sure if there would be. I was seconds away from cutting and running. It wasn’t what I wanted, it was just where I was. My brain was on a roller coaster of doom and I couldn’t get off. A spanking would quiet my mind, and talking to Maureen once I sorted out my thoughts, that would tell me how to move forward.

Fuck. Was I a horrible submissive for even considering this? I wrangled with that thought and grabbed my phone, my fingers hovering above Drake’s contact. Should I let him know? Did I dare ask?

I typed up a short message then deleted it. I did that five times. Nothing seemed right. Everything felt selfish and thoughtless. Everything but just doing it. For some reason that still felt right.

Sighing, I set my phone aside and met my friend's eyes. “Mistress Maureen,” I started, “I’m struggling with big emotions that I can’t seem to express. I feel… hopeless and lost. Do you think…. Would you please spank me to help me process through?”

She nodded, and though I knew she was on board, she paused. “Last chance to talk to Drake. Did you want me to text him maybe?”

I shook my head. “He has… family in town. Some of them… they aren’t kinky. It’s not a good time.” I had no idea if he was with them at the moment or when they’d be leaving. He might even still be asleep, though I doubted it.

“Okay then.” Maureen uncrossed her legs and patted her lap. She pointed to the skirt I wore to class. “Go to my closet and get a paddle, a nice heavy wooden one, and then come back and get over my knees.”

She didn’t instruct me to strip, take off my panties, or even flip up my own skirt. And I understood. Maureen was taking control. Not in a commanding, domineering way, but in a caretaking way. Maureen was taking control by taking the rest of the choices out of my hands.

I walked like a robot to the closet, chose a wooden paddle and returned, handing it over without a word. Maureen flipped it over in her hands inspecting it, then nodded. “Very good. Now, over my lap, please.”

My stomach knotted for a moment as I obeyed but sliding across her lap felt like a relief. She flipped my skirt up and peeled my panties down, resting them just below my ass.

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