Page 32 of Loving Luna

“No. No way.” I shook my head emphatically denying the question. But even as I did so a knot formed in my stomach.Daddydidn’t make me feel like quite as big as a fraud.

My dad raised his eyebrows and said nothing.

“Okay, even if I was a Daddy or more comfortable in a Daddy-type role, Luna is not a Little. And she’s the one I want.”

He gave me a look that told me he wasn’t buying my particular brand of bullshit. “You know you don’t have to have a Little to be a Daddy, right? Or vice versa?”

I did know that, probably far better than my father did, even. But did Luna? Had he cracked the code? Was an adjustment to our roles all we needed? Could it really be that easy? “I know, man, but… I don’t know.”

“And you won’t, if you don’t talk to Luna.”

“It’s hard. I am afraid I’ll pose the questions and learn that she’s unhappy, that I’m not enough for her. That she’s regretting giving us a try.”

Dad leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “Well, I don’t think you’ll find that to be the case. Your mother and I have been waiting and praying for this day for a long time, and I suspect that everyone at the Ranch knows that you and Luna are made for each other. So much so that Master Derek invented a whole book club to get you guys together. So much so that you two were victimized”—he used air quotes as he said the word, drawing on the story we’d shared over dinner—“by one of his infamous matchmaking schemes.”

I huffed a strained laugh. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I know we were made for each other, but I’m not sure Luna knows that for sure yet.”

“You’re scared to rock the boat,” Dad surmised. “And I get it, I do, but communication is key in any type of relationship, and especially relationships like ours. I don’t have to tell you that.”

He didn’t, not really. I knew it, of course, but maybe I still needed to hear it.

“So I just… what? Tell her I want to be her Daddy?”

“Well, why not?”

I didn’t answer. He knew why not. He knew exactly why not. There were so many reasons, but they all boiled down to the same thing: I was scared to lose her.

“Look at it this way,” my father said, in a tone that told me he was about to mic drop a wisdom bomb on me, “the Luna you have right now, the one who’s behaving perfectly and giving you no sass, acting like, in your words, a Stepford submissive, that’s not the Luna you fell in love with, is it?”

I sighed. He knew it wasn’t. Luna’s sass, the way she was a brat, but only to me, our fun, easy banter were among some of the top reasons I loved her so much and had for so long. But would declaring myself her Daddy fix it? I didn’t see how it could.

I glanced at my dad and opened my mouth to tell him so, but he caught my attention, and shook his head.

“I love you, son,” he said, clapping me on the shoulder, “but you have a PhD in overthinking.”

I couldn’t argue that and didn’t try.

My dad continued, “Go home. Talk to Luna. Let her know that you love her sass, that you’re worried that she’s not being herself. Let her know how it makes you feel and take control. That’s what she’s waiting for you to do.”

I narrowed my eyes. My dad was smart. In books smarts, street smarts, and relationship smarts. He was my go-to person for advice. But I knew Luna better than anyone. “How can you be so sure?” I asked.

“I just am, son. I just am. Luna, despite all her fears and misgivings, got into a relationship dynamic with you. Because she trusts you to lead her. That’s what it boils down to. So step up and lead her.”

My ego wanted to argue. It wanted to point out that I hoped there was more to it than that, and that Luna would have made that choice out of more than just trusting me to lead her but alsobecause she had feelings for me, because she loved me. The fact that he hadn’t mentioned those things had me up in my head.

But he was right. This wasn’t just about love, and Luna wouldn’t have gotten in a relationship with me if she didn’t also want a dynamic with me. I was trying to have one, I’d been trying hard to be a good Dom, and in a way, I was, but there was something about it that wasn’t sitting right.

I sighed. Maybe my dad was right. He probably was.

Chuckling at me, he stood and waited for me to stand also before turning and leading us back the way we’d come. “C’mon, son. I promise you it will get better. These are just growing pains. The longer you and Luna are together, the more of them you’ll have.”

I nodded, then gave him the side-eye as we walked. “Do you and Mom still have growing pains? Like… in your dynamic?” I swallowed back the discomfort that came from thinking about my parents in that way. Their lifestyle choice was something I was aware of, but not something we ever discussed in detail, nor something they flaunted in front of me.

“All the time,” he confirmed. “A lifestyle like ours, like yours and Luna’s, like anyone’s here at the Ranch, has to grow with the people in it. Adjustments need to be made at certain times. Sometimes more is needed, sometimes less. Sometimes things need to be readjusted for where you are in your life, your career, your family, your health. All of those things can affect how you apply your dynamic, and that’s perfectly okay. But communication is key. Communicate with Luna. I promise you won’t regret it.”

He paused, stopped walking and looked at me hard as we came back around to the front of the resort.

“It might be hard, communication, when you’re in the thick of it, but you’ll always come out better for it, and it is always worth it.”

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