Page 46 of Icebound Hearts

The thought, loud and abrupt in my head like a book dropped in a quiet room, catches me off guard. Sawyer is a great guy, and Jake is a great kid, so I can’t blame any woman for being interested. And besides, isn’t this exactly what I wanted to happen when I proposed this whole stupid dating app idea? The only difference between me and this Ava girl is that one of us can actually date Sawyer—and it isn’t me.

Sawyer closes the refrigerator quietly and comes back to the stove with a package of ground beef in his hands, and I stare at him while I try to snap out of my mental fog.

“I’m making tacos. I know it’s nothing fancy, but you don’t have to look so unhappy about it,” he says with a teasing smile.

“That’s not…” I shake my head, clearing my throat. “You aren’t taking this seriously at all, are you?”

He sighs. “Why are you so intent on setting me up with someone? Jake and I are doing just fine on our own for now.”

Because the longer you stay single, the longer it’s going to kill me to keep my hands and thoughts off you.

But I can’t say that. Not now, not ever. So I take a deep breath to make sure I don’t let anything slip and proceed carefully.

“That’s great, seriously. But I don’t want to see you alone forever, and I’m worried that’s exactly what’s going to happen when I leave.”

Sawyer grimaces as he tears open the ground beef and places it in the pan, filling the kitchen with an even angrier sounding sizzle.

“I’ll cross that bridge when—andif—I get there,” he says as he jabs at the beef with a spatula to break it up. It’s hard to tell, but it sure seems like there’s an implication in that sentence.

Does he not want me to leave?

My mind lingers on that question for a lot longer than I’d like. But it doesn’t matter. Even if in some upside-down world I ended up staying here in Denver because my job in California fell through, or for whatever other reason, there’s zero chance that he and I could ever be a thing. Reese would never allow it, for starters, and he’d probably skewer Sawyer for even entertaining it. And I wouldn’t be in his best graces, either.

You’re imagining things, Violet. This isn’t what you think it is. Sawyer has told you repeatedly he’s not interested in datingat all, and he’s making it clear with this app. So if anything, he’s just worried about losing you as a nanny.

“Would you mind helping me get out the toppings and setting the table?” Sawyer asks, jutting his chin at the table while he sprinkles taco seasoning into the pan and thankfully distracting me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, sure,” I say and push off the counter to pull out three plates from the cabinet and silverware from the drawer beneath it, then put it all on the table. I haul the sour cream, salsa, cheese, and other goodies from the fridge to the table next.

“There are tortillas in the pantry,” Sawyer tells me, so I grab those too and set them out with everything else. “Jake! Dinner’s ready, buddy.”

“Coming!” Jake calls back from the living room and though it takes a minute while he finishes what he’s watching, eventually the sound of the TV stops and he comes shuffling out of the living room into the kitchen looking half awake. He climbs into his usual seat at the table, and I start helping him make a tortilla for himself so he doesn’t make a mess.

“Looks yummy!” he says with his tongue sticking out. Sawyer brings the sizzling pan full of meat to the table and scoops some onto Jake’s taco.

“You get first bite, so dig in but be careful, it’s very hot,” he says before taking the pan back to the stove. I help Jake fold his taco so it won’t fall apart on him, and he brings it to his mouth to take a huge bite.

“Mmm,” he says, bouncing side to side happily. “It’s so good!”

“He loves tacos,” Sawyer tells me as I doctor up my own tortilla. We eat in relative quiet, all of us winding down from the long day of house hunting, and Jake’s first to finish. He pats his tummy.

“Daddy, do I have to take a bath tonight? I’m so sleepy.”

“That’s fine, buddy. You can take one in the morning if you want. But you still have to brush your teeth,” Sawyer answers, and Jake groans. But when Sawyer fixes him with a stern look, Jake relents.

“Do you want me to tuck him in?” I ask.

“Sure, thanks. I’ll clean up in here.”

“Come on, little man,” I tell Jake and hoist him up in my arms, resting him on my hip to carry him to his room.

He puts his head on my shoulder, and he’s already rubbing his eyes by the time we get to his bathroom. I lean against the doorframe to supervise him brushing his teeth, then pick him up and carry him to his room where I pull back the covers and lower him gently to the bed. When he’s tucked in tight, I rub his head affectionately.

“Sleep well, bud. See you in the morning.”

“Night, Ms. Violet,” he says sleepily and rolls over to reach for Chewy, who’s lying on the bed next to him.

He pulls the rabbit close and by the time I get to his bedroom door, I can already hear him breathing heavily, out cold. I pause at his doorway to glance at him, missing the days when it was so easy for me to fall asleep like that. It takes me forever now, and sometimes I’m lucky if I get two or three hours of shut-eye.

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