Page 82 of Oh, Hell No

Oz

I’d give anything to hear your laugh.

Oz

It’s hard to face the day without you.

With each text, my heart twisted painfully in my chest. Yet I reread them. Several times a day. I’d fallen asleep last night with my phone in my hand and my eyes locked on the words. It was the only way I could get any sleep. My mental stability was in question because when I did get in bed, there was an overwhelming sadness akin to grief because I knew he wouldn’t come inside and watch me sleep. Who thought that way? What was wrong with me?

Theneeding to seek therapything wasn’t a joke. I had fantasized about this man after he abducted me and put me in a basement. There was no one else that appealed to me when I had alone time with my vibrator. Just Oz- his face, his smirk, the way his body moved and flexed so effortlessly. As if he had been created for the viewing pleasure of heterosexual women everywhere.

He’d seen me do it too. That damn camera. He had invadedmy privacy. Read my texts. Followed me to places. Watched me unknowingly God knew how any times. And yet he had said I had no flaws. I knew I did, but why hadn’t he seen them? Even if he loved me, wouldn’t he see those? I loved him, and I saw his flaws. The giant, massive, disturbingly dark, and twisted ones.

My phone started ringing in my hand. I recognized the number. It was the prison. Perry. Worry for my brother replaced the constant internal battle about my feelings for Oz as I answered. There was a pause as the prison connected us.

“Hey, Winzy,” he said, his voice sounding years older than twenty-one.

The sorrow that came with that sank into my chest, along with the rest of the heaviness I carried.

“Hey. Is everything okay?”

He used to tease me that I was always checking on him. My first words were asking if he was okay.

“Yeah, uh, listen. Could you come see me soon, like this week, and come alone? Don’t bring Marley. I just want to talk to you. I need to.”

He sounded bad. Something was wrong. I knew when he was upset.

“Visiting hours aren’t until Friday, right?”

I wanted to go right now. I was going to worry until then. Had someone hurt him there? I felt sick, thinking about horror stories I’d heard about prison.

“Yes, normally, but the psychologist they have me seeing here can get me a visit if you can come sooner.”

“I’ll call and get a substitute for tomorrow. How early can I be there?”

“Eight.”

“I’ll see you at eight.”

“Thanks, Winzy.”

“Of course. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He ended the call, but I knew his call hours were limited each month. I held my phone tightly as one horrible scenario after another played in my head. I hadn’t known he’d been seeing a psychologist. I was glad. I thought perhaps we both needed one.

Marley had begged us to see one when she took us in, but we both refused, and she didn’t force us. Instead, she tried to casually sneak in her brand of therapy, attempting to get us to open up and talk about things. She did it when we were together and singled us out when we were alone. That hadn’t worked. There were things you didn’t want to share after living in the home we had.

That was then. We weren’t kids anymore. I could see the damage it had done to both of us. Perry committing a crime so severe that he was in federal prison for eight years. Me needing a normal, excitement-free, scheduled life. One that held no surprises and where I worked with children rather than dealing with adults. I had placed myself in a bubble, and until Oz popped it, I’d thought I was happy. Satisfied. I had been neither.

Oz

You own me.

The text lit up my screen, and a longing pang came with the words. Yet I reread them. Touched the screen as if I could feel him. Did loving him make me broken?

The rain pelted down, making my drive to Yazoo City a solid hour. I’d left early, already having checked the weather. Just like with everything else in my life, I was a cautious driver. Marley often asked to drive because my staying the speed limitdrove her nuts. I never let her because she scared me to death, changing lanes and speeding around other cars.

---