Page 33 of My Knotty Mountain Men

I’m a fucking mess. We all are. It’s been three months, and nothing has gotten better. I don’t even recognize my pack anymore. This is at no fault of Nolan’s. All the blame is on Thomas and myself.

Nolan has been amazing, trying his best to give us the time and space when we need, all while loving us as hard as he does.

I hate that we’re making it so rough on him. It’s just... fuck, I don’t know. It’s hard to go back to the way things were. We can’t. Because we can’t just forget about Violet.

Losing her has caused me to change, to become more quiet, more angry.

Depressed, that’s what I am.

Not to mention my cock has no interest in coming out to play. It’s been three months since I’ve had sex with either of my men. I’ve heard them together, and my heart ached to join them... I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I want them, I do. But I also need her.

“Hey, baby.”

Dropping the axe to the ground, I turn to face Nolan as he approaches me, a bottle of water in his hands.

“Thanks.” I wipe the sweat from my forehead and take the bottle from him. Uncapping it, I down half of it before coming up for air.

“You need to eat,” Nolan points out, crossing his arms as he surveys me.

“Not hungry,” I grumble, capping the bottle and placing it on the ground nearby.

“Aiden, you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday. Please don’t do this again.” I hate the pleading tone in his voice. He’s hurting... because of me. He’s worried because I’ve been slipping deeper and deeper into the darkness of my mind.

“I know,” I sigh. “Okay, fine, I’ll—” My brows furrow as something in the distance catches my eyes. “Nolan, give me your phone,” I say slowly, my heart racing in my chest.

There’s smoke in the distance, looking to be from a chimney. The only cabin in that direction is hers.

“Ahh, okay, why?” he questions, pulling his phone out of his pocket and handing it over to me.

Grabbing it, I quickly dial Jimmy, one of the people who’s been managing the property.

“Hello, Jimmy here.”

“Jimmy, it’s me, Aiden, from Pack Wheeler. Are you at Violet’s cabin?” My heart beats so damn fast as I wait for him to answer.

“Ah, no. Why would I be? I haven’t been there since just after Christmas, when I went back to clean and close up the place again. Why, what's wrong? Is someone there?”

Licking my lips, I blink, staring at the smoke.

“Aiden, what's wrong?” Nolan asks, stepping in front of me, breaking me out of my trance.

My eyes bore into Nolan’s as an ember of hope ignites deep inside my chest. “Never mind. Sorry to bother you, everything's fine. Bye,” I say as I hang up.

“What's going on? You're freaking me out.”

“Look.” I spin him around and point over his shoulder. “See that smoke.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s coming from Violet’s cabin.”

He whips back around, eyes wide. “And Jimmy isn’t the one in there?”

“Nope.” A slow smile slips over my lips. I know there could be many reasons why there would be smoke coming from her cabin—maybe she let her friends use it, maybe she sold it.

No, I don’t want to think about that.

---