Page 24 of My Knotty Mountain Men

“And you.” Jenny places a salad down on the table. Rylee looks down at it with a frown before looking back up at Jenny with a questionable look. “You're looking a little pale, and you’ve been mindlessly picking at the napkin.” Jenny nods, and we look down to see the mess of ripped paper.

“Shit, are you okay?” I ask Rylee. She has type 1 diabetes. She’s really careful about managing it, but now that I look at her, she does look pale.

Rylee blinks a few times. “I think so. I didn’t really think about it.”

“Eat,” Jenny insists, taking her seat again. “Then when you’re both done, we’re going to work out some of that rage, baby Letty.”

“Really, how?” I ask. “You gonna bring me back to Snow Valley to beat up the Alphas who hurt me?” I ask, trying to sound playful but only hurt myself more in the process.

I’m really trying to hold it together. I guess freaking out this morning helped a little. Still doesn’t take away the ache in my chest. It’s like I’m missing a part of myself, an empty space in my heart.

“No. But I have the next best thing.” She laughs.

Jenna’s eyes light up. “Rage room?”

“Rage room.” Jenny nods.

I look at Rylee, and we both grin. “We’re in.”

Not going to lie, the rage room was both a good and bad idea. At first, I channeled my anger into it, shouting out my rage. But then it turned into crying and full-on sobs as I had a bit of a mental breakdown.

I’m a hot mess, and I don’t know how long I’m going to feel like this. I hate it. I wish I never went on that trip. If I just stayed home, my life would be as it was before.

Single, a good job, the best friends a girl could ask for, and I’d be happy. And now all I can feel is sadness.

Jenny makes sure I get inside safely when we get back home, and I lock the doors behind me.

As I make my way through the kitchen that’s attached to the living room and down the hall to my nest, I take off my clothing one piece at a time until I’m only in my panties.

Pausing in the doorway to my nest, I look towards my room, debating if I want to go into my closet and grab the clothes that smell likethem.

Biting my lip, I force myself into my nest, grabbing the soft pajama set waiting for me, neatly folded next to the mattress on the floor.

Pulling on the flush material, I climb into my nest and snuggle into the heaps of blankets.

The remote I need lies on one of the pillows. Grabbing it, I turn on the fairy lights and soft music.

Knowing I’m not going to get any sleep tonight without a bit of help, I slide my hand under my pillow and pull out a sleeping pill from the bottle I keep there. I don’t use these much, not unless I’ve had a hard day at work and my mind is too wired to fall asleep.

Technically, I should have started back at work today, but I’m sure one extra day off isn’t going to be a big deal.

Now I have to figure out how I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning and go to work without my mind being consumed by them—of the way it felt to be around them, their smells, the feeling of their hands on my body, how it felt to have them inside me.

How do I go about my life knowing I have scent matches out there and a Beta who could have easily won my heart? How do I forget about the fact that they already have someone and a baby on the way?

Hurt and jealousy, that's what I feel right now. But as soon as I take the pill and close my eyes, all of it goes away. That is until I wake up and reality sets back in.

Chapter 9

Nolan

One month later

“Hey, boss. You okay?”

Blinking, I look down at my barista, Macy. “Huh?”

She gives me a half smile. “I asked if you were okay.”

---