Page 13 of Christmas with the Baby Daddy

I nodded. “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “A shame…” I didn’t have it in me to tell her I saw Zach at the party. Revisiting the memory of that experience threw me off. I’d never felt the full meaning of someone pulling a rug out from under my feet, but that was it. Total shock. Complete bewilderment. “Because he and Kevin were on the same team back then.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” She smiled at me, pausing to study me. “You probably spent more time in Zach’s company than I did back then. Because of Kevin.”

“Oh.” I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, nervous at the idea of how I had ever spent time with her brother. “I… I didn’t, really.”

“You weren’t friends with Zach?”

I shook my head. “He was friends with Kevin. But I’m almost thirteen years younger than Zach.” I shrugged. “I tagged along a little bit, but I wouldn’t say I, uh, knew him.”

Except to have a horrible, stupid, teenage crush on him. To fantasize about him because he was always far away and untouchable.

“I knewofhim,” I amended.

“Hmm.” Amanda nodded slowly. “Well, your thirteen-year age gap isn’t as big as the twenty between us as siblings,” she said with a light laugh. “And I think I never would’ve had a chance to be any closer to my only brother, anyway. He was always so determined to follow Dad’s footsteps and be in the Army. Always far away.”

I nodded. “That’s true.” Her remarks only served to reinforce how little I could’ve mattered to him.

“And never interested in visiting home, either,” she said sadly as she walked to the screened-in front porch window to remote start her car.

As I stood at the door and watched her start it, I sighed. I hadn’t corrected her. Zachhadcome home for precisely one visit—for Kevin’s funeral.

The one night when I let the sorrow of losing my brother override my common sense. No. Scratch that. The single night of my life where I ignored all thoughts and fell back to the thrill of that crush I thought I’d put to rest long ago. We came together in grief, united in that loss, but I knew then just as I still understood now that we wouldn’t be together again.

“I doubt he’ll be here for long, either,” Amanda said after I opened the door for her to reenter the house and stay warm while her car heated up.

“How come?” I asked, needy for that information.

She shivered and rubbed her gloved hands up and down her arms. “You mean besides this hunch that he’d never be content to live in Vernford again when he lived out his wanderlust overseas for twenty years?”

I nodded, hating how final that sounded.

“He mentioned being here for the holidays.”

“Before another tour?” I guessed.

She shook his head. “No, he’s not going back for more.”

Whoa.I was burning with curiosity to know why. That was huge news, but still notmynews to deal with. If he would take off again, that would be the end of another brief episode of his being near.

“I don’t know what he’ll do, but I can’t picture him finding what he wants here.” With a shrug and another thank-you from me for her babysitting George, she left.

I couldn’t claim that Zach would find what he was looking for either. I didn’t have an ideawhathe wanted if he wasn’t in the military anymore.

All I knew, without a doubt, was that I had been right not to tell anyone the truth.

Zach had been my brother’s best friend. He used to be my teenage crush.

And he was also my one-night stand and baby daddy, but he didn’t need to know that.

He’d be gone again soon enough, anyway.

6

ZACH

The first few days back in Vernford gave me the illusion that I would get back to feeling more like myself. Despite the loss of my purpose in life and not having the mission of my career to work toward anymore, it seemed like I could start a process of adjusting to civilian life.

It was a lie.

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