Page 48 of Christmas with the Baby Daddy

Since he’d come back to town, I faced little things that built a case of wishing for what still seemed so impossible. When he looked at me, I wanted to bask in the thrill of having his attention anytime. When he held me close, I wished he could reach for me at any moment and secure me as his. Then when he stood up to me in front of Reagan and Rory, I dared to imagine what it would be like if I could know he’d always be there in my corner to support me.

Waking up with him had been a glorious dream. All we did last night seemed to fill a gap in my heart. Against all logic, I couldn’t help but envision a future of us together. Being lovers for good. A couple forever. A… family. I’d lost my family and had survived alone for so long that the dream of being in one again felt like a pipe dream, unattainable and a joke.

“You should tell him now,” Amanda urged.

I shook my head, ready to explain that I would after the holidays so as not to ruin the whole festive season.

“Mama!”

I whipped my head around at the sound of George’s voice, alarmed when I spotted him on top of Zach's shoulders. Cole walked with them as they approached our table, all of them smiling and laughing.

Oh, honey…

He was beaming, so giddy and happy on Zach’s shoulders like that. It tugged at my heartstrings, and I willed myself not to get sappy at the image of the father and son getting along so well. George must have seen them at the children’s tent, since Cole would likely be there as well and he had been befriending Zach so quickly.

“Hey, honey,” I replied with all the cheer I could muster. It’d kill me to let him see how conflicted I felt, so I bolstered my smile with a little more enthusiasm.

“So this is where all the cool kids are hanging out,” Jenny said as she walked up as well, coming from the side. When she reached our table, she furrowed her brow and did a double-take at George on Zach’s shoulders.

My heart stuttered. She seemed too pensive, too reflective as she viewed them as a pair, and I worried my second-worst nightmare was coming true. That she was seeing all the similarities and wondering a big what-if.

Zach and George had the same twinkling blue eyes. Even though Zach’s dimples were hidden under his sexy beard, Jenny would recall them, and perhaps even see them with George’s smile.

“Huh,” she muttered, shaking her head as she smiled at us women at the table. “I see you’ve met the mighty and impressionable George,” she said to her grandson.

“I have met the creative mastermind,” Zach answered, frowning at me.

Dammit. I’ve got to hide my emotions better than this.

“Well, shall we walk around and see what’s what?” Jenny shifted into a bright smile, moving on past her moment and gesturing at the things to check out further from this seating area.

“Yeah!” George cheered, oblivious to the tension.

Everyone seemed to look at me, so I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, let’s take a stroll.”

Heading off in a group, I tried to snap out of this funk from Sara and Amanda putting me on the spot to tell Zach my biggest secret.

I would. I knew I had to. But not right now. I would need to figure out how to do so calmly, just the two of us and hopefully on neutral ground.

With every step I took, staying within this small group, I felt like an outsider, not fitting. The usurper, the conflict. Because the longer I kept the truth about my baby’s father covered up, the worse I felt about myself for ever lying at all.

20

ZACH

Even though the band’s music was too loud and far too many people crowded up and down Main Street, I had fun. I had as much fun as I could’ve had, unused to being in festive situations like this. For almost twenty years, my holidays were spent with my fellow soldiers, often out in remote areas and pending dangerous positions. Even when I had leaves and breaks, I stayed near wherever I had been stationed last, in various locations in Asia and Europe. It was jarring to acclimate back to these familiar faces and buildings. Yet, as the night carried on and I walked with my family, the Ameena siblings, and Blake and George, I grew more comfortable with the fact that I was here.

The entertainment wasn’t lacking. Lots of food and drink options hit the spot, and overall, I enjoyed myself.

It was only at the end of the night that I realized I hadn’t been stuck in thinking what else I could be doing. Where else I could be and who else I could spend my time with.

I was, for all intents and purposes, content.

The only thing that could’ve improved the experience was if I knew why Blake seemed so off. Her skittishness was one thing. But more often than not, I had to grapple with the way she seemed like a deer caught in the headlights. Not afraid, but so tense and trying hard to hide it.

It’s because we had sex. I know it.This wasn’t a walk of shame by any means, but it seemed like it. I didn’t have to ask and conspire with her to realize she didn’t want anyone to know that we’d spent the night together. That was obvious because if we acted like we were a couple at all, George would need to be told what was happening.

Cole said Blake never dated much. It sounded like her so-called relationship with Rory had been short and lackluster to the point I doubted George ever really saw the man as someone his mom was truly interested in.

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