Page 47 of Christmas with the Baby Daddy

I glanced at Sara, waiting for a judgmental expression from her, too. She didn’t look at me with any sense of recrimination, though. If anything, she frowned with worry as my lie and secret imploded before my eyes.

Of course, my first reaction to Amanda finding out my secret was to beg her to help me keep it. That was instinct. To put the fire out. To get to safety. To avoid further damage.

“I didn’t know how. Or when. Or…” I cleared my throat and strained to swallow hard. “He wasn’t here, and?—”

“And he’s never given the impression that he’s wanted to be here.” Amanda nodded. “But you could’ve…”

“I know. I know. I could’ve had you or Jenny tell him. I didn’t want to keep it from him. I never planned to keep it from Zach forever, but with him away and wanting to stay away, I didn’t know how or when to tell him.”

“But he’s back now,” she argued.

I shot her a stern look. “Fornow.”

She opened and closed her mouth, then turned to Sara, as if just now noticing her. “You knew?”

Sara nodded. “As far as I can tell, as of five minutes ago, I was the only one who knew.”

“He deserves to know the truth, Blake,” Amanda scolded. “I get it. This is huge news. And he was away for so long. But this is big. This isn’t some little secret. It’s huge!”

I nodded.

“Ishould’ve known the truth. Grandma too!”

Wincing, I lowered my head until my brow hit my hands on the table. “I know.” For as many times as I stated that I had the knowledge of my wrongdoing in hiding this truth, I didn’t do anything to correct it. I’d had five years to rectify this but I hadn’t. With Zach back in Vernford, I had no excuse at all. He was here. I spent the night with him. No obstacles remained in the way of my telling him the truth except for my fear.

Amanda blew out a long breath, as if steadying herself after this rush of news. She faced me, a bit calmer but still showing so much shock. This eighteen-year-old was legally an adult, but in so many ways, I had to remind myself that she was still a kid. Amanda was still young enough not to loseallthat juvenile innocence that a long duration of adulting could ruin. But she’d always been sharp. She’d always been aware of George’s health, knowing that he was a preemie with a few health concerns as he “caught up” into his toddler years. Amanda began babysitting him when she was fourteen, with Jenny’s help, of course. In those early years, it had been a matter of all three of us pitching in together and working as a team, often bringing George to the kitchen while we prepped food and even to the catering sites where Amanda would keep him company in the back while Jenny and I served the food.

Without those two women, I wouldn’t be where I was today. Their help, along with Sara’s, had pushed me to survive all those taxing hardships of being a single working mother.

I owed it to them to tell the truth, but I was stubborn to believe that I had to go about it the right way. Zach deserved to learn this reality, that he was a father, before I could tell Jenny or anyone else. Rumors could spread. Word would get out, and I didn’t want to hurt Zach by allowing him to be the last one to find out.

Amanda wouldn’t tell him. I could count on her secrecy the same as I could expect it from Sara. They’d have my back, but with her serious expression, I realized how firmly she’d hold me to it to tell her brother about George.

I will.

I would just need to figure out when and how. I had to anticipate all the ways that Zach could react. He’d be furious to be lied to, but I wanted to hope he wouldn’t stay mad.

“A big part of why I’ve been reluctant to speak up and tell Zach is because he still doesn’t want to live here.” I looked at Amanda, imploring her to hear me. “You said it yourself.”

“Yeah. He said he’d stay until the holidays are over,” she replied.

“And go where next?” Sara asked.

Amanda shrugged, still looking at me as if she had to recalculate her views of me. As if I were a new identity to get to know all over again.A liar.

“It doesn’t matter where he’d go,” I said. “Just that hewantsto go. He doesn’t want to settle in Vernford.”

“But knowing George is his son could change his mind,” Amanda replied quickly.

“It could force him to change his mind,” I corrected. “It would be an obligation to fulfill.”

Sara sighed. “I think you’re not putting enough faith in this. Is George an obligation to you?”

“Of course not. I’m his mother. He’s my son.”

She smirked. “And he’s his father. He’s his son too.”

True. But the difference between us as parents was that I loved him. I cherished him. Zach might, if he got to know him, but I couldn’t bank on any fondness or growing love between them as father and son would trump the lure and fascination with traveling or being far from home.

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