Page 43 of Christmas with the Baby Daddy

I shrugged, casting my gaze down to the table to follow the images of Santa hats and Christmas trees printed on the cloth covering the piece of bistro furniture. “Part of it is that I’ve kept it a secret for so long now. George isn’t a newborn. I guess I’ve grown into the identity that he is just fatherless.”

“Okay. Fair enough. It’s become habit to lie about it and keep it a secret.”

That still doesn’t sound good.

“But a bigger part of it is that we aren’t really together.”

She smiled wryly. “Not together. I bet there wasn’t a whole lot of space between you in bed last night.”

“Or in the shower. Or the hallway floor.”

She gaped at me again. “Blake! My God.” She laughed as she slow clapped. “Getting it while it’s hot?”

“And while it’s around. It was a physical fling,” I explained. “Just like last time when he came for Kevin’s funeral. It was a physical one-night stand.” I fought not to cringe at the bitterness of that lie. It hadn’t felt like an emotionless, no-strings-attached kind of night. Not at all.

“Maybe…”

“No.” I sipped my hot cocoa and set it down again. “Not maybe. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to settle down in Vernford for good. He said he’ll be here until the holidays are over and then go try to find a purpose somewhere else. And knowing that, hearing him say that, I don’t want to be a reason that could force him to stay if that’s not really what’s in his heart.”

“But what if he would want to stay?” she countered.

“He’s said that he doesn’t.” Sadness crept into my heart and squeezed tight. I wished he wouldn’t be so adamant about having his life elsewhere.

“But what if?” She held her hands up in a truce-like manner. “I’m not trying to play devil’s advocate, but maybe he could. Cole said he and Zach went to the gym yesterday morning and hung out. It sounds like they might be becoming friends. You know? Maybe Zach just needs some time to warm up to the idea of putting down roots here.”

“He already has roots. He grew up here,” I reminded her.And it wasn’t enough to keep him tethered.I’d never understood why he was so set on leaving. Mr. West was a gruff military man through and through, so I could see how Zach could’ve felt obligated to do as his father wanted. But Mr. West passed away many years ago. Seeing to a legacy could be timeless, but Zach’s time in the service had ended for reasons beyond his control.

“And,” Sara continued, “I wish you’d consider how George would feel too. How he might enjoy knowing his dad.”

“That worries me the most. That I could tell George who Zach is, he’d get attached, and Zach would leave anyway. It’s easier for George to miss something he’s never had or met. But if he were to know and then lose him…”

She nodded. “True.”

And looking out for my son was my first priority. Yet, I couldn’t live with a lie like this. Especially after caving to his kisses and touch. “I know it’s bad to hide it all. And… and I will tell him the truth. Just not now. After Christmas. I’ll tell him after Christmas is over so I don’t have to worry about ruining the magic of the season. I can’t drop a bombshell like this on him or George before the holidays come.”

Sara smiled sadly. “It won’t be easy.”

“But it’s the right thing to do.”

She grinned. “You’ll just need to keep your hands to yourself that long.”

I groaned. “No. I’m not sleeping with Zach again, so that won’t be a worry.”

A cup of hot cocoa dropped behind me, splattering up and getting my attention as I shifted to keep out of the splash. Turning to see where it’d come from, I lifted my head until I came face-to-face with Amanda.

Her hands were still out from where she’d likely dropped the cup. Her mouth remained open in a perfectOof shock.

Oh, fuck.

She stared at me, stunned.

I doubted I had a chance in hell that she hadn’t overheard that last little bit.

“What?” she asked, eyes wide as she gaped at me.

I cringed.

Nope. She heard. Of course, she did.

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