Page 54 of Chasing You

“Mm, then tell me,” Adele said, pulling away. “Obviously, you know how I feel.”

“I don’t, and that’s part of the problem. I don’t know if you expected me to know that all this time, it wasn’t…I don’t know. A friend helping a friend, but?—”

“No. No, I knew you were either clueless or being deliberately obtuse,” Adele said softly. “I know how you are, and I know what scares you.”

Kash bit his lip, nodding. “Iwasclueless. But that was my fault. After you andher—” He still refused to say her name. “—were over and you still didn’t want me, I figured that was my answer.”

Adele closed his eyes and leaned his head over until their foreheads were touching. “We’re disasters.”

Kash couldn’t help a laugh. “We are.”

Taking a huge breath, Adele leaned back and met his gaze. “For both our sakes, I’m just going to say it. I’m in love with you.”

For all the times Kash had fantasized about Adele saying those words to him, it was nothing like he’d imagined. It was worse…and somehow, it was also better. It was quieter. Softer. Careful. It was matter-of-fact, like it was a mathematical equation’s only answer.

There were no fireworks. No sparks. No trumpets.

There was just Adele’s soft breathing and the hesitant look on his face as he waited for Kash to say something.

“You’reinlove with me?” he finally repeated.

Adele rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I am. I have been I think since I knew what love was. But you never showed interest in me, so I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way. And I was in the closet for so long, which made it harder.” Adele sighed. “I wish I had done everything different.”

“You wouldn’t have the life you have now if you had,” Kash pointed out.

“Yeah. I know. I couldn’t live without Gage, and I don’t really regret anything that happened before this except how long it took for me to tell you after you came home. But you were sick, and you were afraid. I wasn’t going to drop that bomb on you while you were still trying to deal with everything else.”

Kash wanted to argue that it would have been fine, but in reality, that might have broken him. He would have done the same thing if he’d been in Adele’s shoes. “But you do love me. Not because you feel sorry for me, or?—”

“Wait,” Adele interrupted. “Is that what you’ve been afraid of this whole time?”

“Not this whole time,” Kash said. “But for too long. I was scared that if you knew how I felt, you’d give up your chance at actual happiness to be with me because you’d know it would make me happy.”

Adele closed his eyes. “I mean, that tracks.”

Kash choked on his tongue. “Does it?”

Adele looked at him and smirked. “I would literally do anything to make you happy. I’m not even kidding. I would fist fight a snowstorm if you were cold.”

“Adele,” Kash whispered.

Adele took that as an invitation to kiss him, and Kash gave in like he had no choice. Because he didn’t. “But the reason I’d do all those things is because I am wildly in love with you, and I’ve been holding it in for years.”

“We’re fools,” Kash murmured.

Adele grinned and kissed him a second time before rolling further back. “We are. But there it is. I love you.”

Kash knew it was his turn. “Before I say anything?—”

“Right. Okay. I’m ready,” Adele murmured.

Kash knew this wasn’t what his friend wanted, but it was what they needed. “—I need you to know that I love you too. I have for probably as long as you. But I’m not ready to make something of this yet.”

Adele licked his lips and nodded, looking on the verge of shattered. “Right. Okay.”

“This isn’t a ‘we should see other people and sow our oats’ or whatever kind of thing,” Kash said quickly. He didn’t want Adele getting any ideas. Thinking for even a moment that he might be interested in that other firefighter had almost destroyed him, even if he’d told himself that it would have been for the best.

No, the problem was he needed time to learn to live in his own skin before he could live for Adele. He needed time, and that was it. Nothing more. He wanted space to figure himself out while knowing he had Adele to come back to when he was ready.

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