Page 56 of Chasing You

Lucas snorted. “I don’t smell weed, but I know all about your generation and poppers.”

Kash choked on his tongue as he turned his body to the side to face the boys. They were both on their backs, Gage looking at him, Lucas running his fingers over the stars embossed on the sheets. “I’m going to pretend neither of you know about poppers. That was nothing your dad and I indulged in, and I’ve gone to enough emergency calls involving drugs that I’ll pull out my very stern lecture about overdosing if I have to.”

Gage rolled his eyes. “Please. Hugs not drugs, okay? That’s our motto.”

“I know you’re probably lying, but I’ll let it slide,” Kash said.

Gage grinned. “That’s why you’re my favorite.”

“I have to piss,” Lucas said suddenly. He felt around in front of him, then crawled to his hands and knees until he was clear of the tent before standing. “Don’t miss me too much.”

“I pine, I wither,” Gage said, and both of them burst into laughter.

“I feel like I should be askingyouabout the drugs,” Kash said.

Gage rolled onto his side, then peered over at Adele, who had his mouth open, and Kash swore he could feel a little drool against his shoulder. “Quid pro quo? You obviously have something else you want to talk about.”

Kash scoffed, hating a little how perceptive Gage was. “I know you’ve probably spent plenty of time parenting your dad?—”

“Actually, no,” Gage cut in. “People assume that a lot. Like, I know the reputation about single parents and them being all weird and best friend-y with their kids. And okay, my dadisbasically one of my best friends, but he was definitely an annoying-as-fuck parent all of my life. It wasn’t like that.”

Kash sighed. “I meant I know you worry about him.”

Gage scooted a little closer and rested his head against Kash’s temple. “Well, yeah. I’ve wanted him to be happy for so long, and I know most of the reason he’s not is my fault. He always told me that dating was less important than me and how he didn’t want anyone to take attention away from us being a family. And…I don’t know. I guess I wonder sometimes if I was some annoying little shit who made him think I’d be bitter if he didn’t spend all of his attention on me.”

“That’s definitely not it,” Kash promised him.

Gage rolled his head back to look into Kash’s face. “Then what was it?”

Kash didn’t want to say right then. It wasn’t his secret to tell. “Are you okay with me being back here?” he countered.

Gage blinked at him. “Uh, well…you’re going to stay, right?”

“Hmm?”

“Like, for good. You’re not leaving again?”

Kash put his arm around Gage and held him closer. “I’m going to stay. I’m still kicking myself for not being around when you were younger. Not because he needed the help but because I wanted to watch you grow up in person. Not just our crappy weekly video chats.”

“Then I’m good with it. And for the record, I did likethose chats,” Gage said quietly. “They were my favorite nights of the week.”

Kash closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I feel like I failed both of you.”

As though Adele heard him in his sleep, he let out a soft hum and nuzzled closer, but he didn’t wake up.

Gage watched his dad for a beat, then looked back at Kash. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yes,” Kash told him. He wasn’t going to promise to keep it to himself, but he’d promise to try.

Gage glanced away and swallowed heavily. “I’m scared to leave home. I’m afraid to meet someone and fall in love. I can’t…I can’t leave him by himself.”

“Hey, you know he’ll never be on his own, right?” Kash said. “He has me, and I’m not going anywhere. And he has his guys.”

Gage laughed softly. “Yeah, he does. And they’re great. It kind of feels like I’m being raised by a village of old, queer nerds. Like, I’ve never felt so safe, and it kind of freaks me out because I know the real world isn’t going to be this nice. And, like, I know they do love him. All of them will show up for him no matter what, but he also pretends to be super happy that they’re all falling in love and creating these little families while he’s left behind.”

Kash’s chest ached. He knew things were different between them, but he still couldn’t give Adele what he was asking for. Not yet. He knew Adele meant what he said—that this was enough—but he also knew his friend deserved better than that.

Bzzt bzzt!The sharp vibration of Gage’s phone startled them both.

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