Page 47 of Chasing You

He had no idea, but Kash wasn’t going to say that. He knew Fenton was trying to be kind. “How old is your niece?”

“Five.” When Kash’s brows flew up, Fenton laughed. “My sister was a teenage mom, and I’ve been helping her for a few years while she’s in school. I kind of owed her. She’s always been the one who stuck up for us. Especially my little brother. When he came out and wanted to go on testosterone, my oldest brother had a hard time with it. Frankie’s a good guy, but he was afraid of letting Fallon make permanent changes to his body, and Faith stepped in to help him out.”

It took Kash’s brain a second to catch up. “Testosterone?Oh. He’s?—”

“Trans. Yeah.” Fenton’s tone was suddenly stiff, and Kash understood why.

“It’s the brain fog,” he said quickly. “I wasn’t hesitating because I’m a dickhead.”

Fenton looked down at him as he paused by the freight elevator, and his face softened. “I kind of hoped. Can’t be too careful these days. But you and your boyfriend seem cool.”

“Oh. No. He’s not,” Kash stopped. It felt almost pointless to explain. People had assumed most of their lives, and it wasn’t like they were going to see this guy again. “Adele and I spent a lot of years in the closet. Once you come out, it’s hard to want to stay in, even if it’s only for a moment.”

Fenton pushed the button, and the lift began to rise. He leaned on the chair handles and let out a small sigh. “Our parents were conservative, but I had access to the internet, so it wasn’t as much of a journey for him. He knew when he was, like, twelve. He toyed around with being a butch lesbian and chopping all his hair off and wearing flannel. But he told me nothing ever felt as right as when someone would call him sir. He didn’t get to start his journey until well after puberty when my parents lost custody of us and Frankie took us in, but it meant everything when he could…”

“Be himself?” Kash remembered what that felt like. Only it felt like he’d lost himself again, and he was searching for who he was now in this new reality.

The doors opened, and Fenton pushed him out, taking an immediate right into a small room with a bench. It was fairly nondescript, but there were a few posters on the wall that depicted the Heimlich and CPR, so he assumed this was their first aid station.

“So, I know your boyfriend isan EMT?—”

“Firefighter,” Kash corrected absently, then rolled his eyes at himself because it wasn’t like it mattered. “We both are. Were. I was,” he fumbled, then cleared his throat. “We’re both EMT certified.”

Fenton didn’t seem annoyed. He smiled patiently and waited for Kash to stop rambling. “I’ll give you the kit, and you can get your face cleaned up. I’ll let him handle the rest. I’d offer, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t make it worse.”

Kash grinned at him. “You’re doing an amazing job.”

“Yeah?” Fenton seemed very young then. His face was full of the uncertainty Kash remembered when he first started his job. “It feels like I’m playing pretend as an adult, you know? Like, I expected this big revelation when I turned twenty-one—like my adult brain was going to switch on, and I’d learn all the secrets of how to get by without feeling like I wanted to call my mom and cry. But a year later and I’m still a mess.”

“If it helps, I’m on the other side of forty, and I’m still pretending like I know what the fuck I’m doing half the time,” Kash told him. “And now I have to start over since I can’t go back to my old job.”

Fenton bit his lip and stared at him. “I don’t have any sage words or anything, but at least your boyfriend loves you. My last girlfriend flipped out when she realized I was going to put my family first and not turn my sister and niece away when they needed help. I had no idea how to deal with that. We’d been together for five years, and suddenly, she was this whole different person. I was lost at sea—pun intended.”

Kash chuckled. “You look like you’re doing well for yourself.”

“That’s also pretend,” Fenton said with a wink. “But maybe if I do this long enough, it’ll start to feel real.”

“I’ll keep my fingers crossed.” Kash attempted to twist them but realized his hands had gone stiff. He let out a small groan. “Not today. Maybe tomorrow if you want me to be literal about it.”

“I’m pretty sure the universe deals in figuratives. I think the thought counts more than the action.” He stood up straight, then reached for the first aid kit and set it on the table next to Kash. “I’m going to find your boyfriend. Will you be good here? We set sail in like five minutes, so I want to make sure he’s not late.”

“I’ll be good,” Kash promised. And he would. Even if Adele got left behind, he’d hang at the terminal and wait. It would be par for the course anyway, and he was too tired to hope that the rest of the day would go in any way that either of them had planned.

Kash felt the boat engines start and then a rocking sensation as they pulled away from the dock. Forty-five seconds later, the door opened and Adele appeared. Kash had had just enough time to start panicking that Adele was being left behind before he stumbled in, and at the sight of him, everything sort of went still and quiet.

Adele stood there staring at him for a long moment, then walked in and closed the door behind him. The boat swayed, and he crashed into the counter before grabbing the empty chair Fenton had left behind, and he plopped down with a small laugh.

“I need to start training again.” He sounded a little breathless. “I haven’t run like that in a while.”

Kash snorted and reached for him, unthinking and uncaring. Adele grabbed his wrist and tugged the chairclose, wrapping him in an embrace. “I thought you were going to miss the boat.”

“Nah. I would have jumped in to swim after it.” Adele nuzzled his temple, then pulled back. “Are you feeling better?”

Kash hadn’t bothered to do an internal check, but he took a moment to acknowledge his aching legs and his sore temple. The cut wasn’t as painful as it had been in the bathroom, but he had a feeling his body was not going to thank him tomorrow.

“I’ll live.”

Adele rolled his eyes, then grabbed the first aid kit from him and began to unpack it. His tongue stuck out between his teeth, his eyes squinting as he looked over the little packets. “I need to start bringing my reading glasses with me.”

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