Page 32 of Chasing You

“Can I please send him in here? He doesn’t want an apology, but I know it’ll make you feel better to give him one.”

Kash sighed. “Okay.” It was the one thing he both did and didn’t want, but he knew it needed to be done. Forcing himself to sit up, he watched as Adele climbed to his feet. He looked back at Kash, a thousand questions on his face, but he kept quiet.

Eventually, Adele walked out, and a moment later, Gage appeared in the doorway. He had a sweater on with the sleeves pulled over his fingers, and he was hunched into himself. Kash had done that to him. He was responsible for fucking up the happy harmony of this home.

“Hey, kiddo. I’m so sor?—”

He didn’t get the chance to finish. Gage crossed the room, hopped on the bed, and immediately curled into him. “I didn’t mean to make things worse. You were having a bad day, and I was being so annoying. Please don’t leave, okay? I really don’t want you to go.”

Kash’s heart shattered, and he wrapped Gage in a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Oh, kiddo. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me.”

“No. It was me. I was being careless.”

Kash tightened his grip a little. Gage had always loved to be held very tight, and it seemed like that hadn’t changed because he hugged back like his life depended on it. “You are one of my favorite people in the whole world,” Kash told him. “And you’re allowed to be careless and happy in your own home. I’m just struggling, and that is not your fault.”

Gage looked up, his eyes red-rimmed. “I know. Dad hasn’t really told me anything about what’s happening, but I can see it. I know whatever this is hurts you. And I know it’s hard. I didn’t mean to make it worse.”

Kash shook his head and looked him directly in the eye. “This is not about you. I’m learning how to live with thisnew normal—whatever it is. And yeah, it’s painful sometimes. But I think mostly I’m afraid that it’ll never get easier.”

“I’d be scared too.” Gage sat up a little, pulling out of Kash’s embrace, but he didn’t move off the bed. Instead, he curled a leg toward his chest and hugged it, resting his cheek against his knee. He looked very young then—the face of the little boy Kash had known when life was still the way it was before all…this. When he still had hope. “I heard Dad telling Uncle Bowen that you feel really alone.”

Kash rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling. “Yeah.”

“But you have us.”

Kash chuckled and looked back at Gage. “I know I do. It’s a different kind of lonely. And I think it’ll get easier. I just need time to adjust.”

“Well, I can be better, okay? I’ll be quieter, and I’ll do more chores. I can do your laundry if you want! That’ll be good for me. Dad says it builds character.”

Kash snorted and shook Gage by the shoulder. “You have more than enough character for all of us. I don’t need you to do my laundry. I need you to understand that if I ever snap at you like that again, it’s not because of you. And feel free to tell me I’m being a terrible person if I do it.”

“That would be a lie, and my dad taught me not to lie.”

Kash lifted a brow.

“About important stuff,” Gage added with a smug grin. “I just, you know, forget sometimes.”

“Sure.” Kash grinned, but he knew his smile hadn’t reached his eyes. “I’m really sorry. I never want to hurt you.”

“Because I’m your favorite?”

Kash laughed. “Yeah.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Dad. His ego’s pretty fragileright now.” Gage dropped his leg and slid his feet to the floor, twisting to stand. Before he got up, he flopped back down and curled into Kash again. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Home. The word hit hard, and for the first time, it felt real.

“Me too. And tell your dad he can relax now. As long as you forgive me?—”

“I forgive you,” Gage interrupted quickly. “I wasn’t even mad. I was scared you were going to leave.”

Kash bit his lip, then shook his head. “I’m not leaving either of you. I promise.”

Gage looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Can I tell Dad the only thing that’ll make us feel better is Chinese? I want string bean chicken so bad I would literally sell my soul for it.”

Kash grinned. “Yeah. Tell him to get extra egg rolls with spicy chili oil.”

“Oh,hellyes.” Gage jumped up and hurtled out the door, and Kash settled back against the pillows. He looked down at his toes, which were curled downward, and noticed that his calves were shaking. He hadn’t realized.

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