Page 18 of Chasing You

Bowing his head, Kash took a deep breath. His throat felt tight, and he wasn’t sure if it was from his illness or the grief in his chest that made him want to cry. “I love you.”I’m in love with you, but he’d never been brave enough to add those two extra words. “And I’m sorry.”

Adele leaned over and rested his temple against Kash’s shoulder. “Why are you shutting me out?”

“Because I’m scared.” The words were hard to get out. His tongue felt thick, and he could sense a panic attackcoming on if he thought too hard about why. “And I’ve been doing shit for so long on my own, it’s hard to change things.”

Adele gently wrapped his arm around Kash’s waist. “Where’s the appointment?”

“DC.”

His head snapped up, and he gave Kash a dark look. “You were going to take a fucking Uber to DC?”

“I was going to take one to the train station. Then I was going to use the metro.”

“You’re going to walk around DC like this?” He gestured at Kash’s socked feet—at the way his toes were curled tightly and painfully.

Kash flinched. “I can manage it. My orthotics help.”

Adele rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, I’m not saying you can’t be independent, but get your fucking head out of your ass. I’ll sit in the goddamn lobby and sew my lips shut so I don’t ask you personal questions if that makes a difference, but you’re not going alone. I will not let you put yourself through more pain and suffering because you want to cling to your last bit of pride. It’s bullshit. And you know you’d do the same damn thing if the situation was reversed.”

Kash’s eyes got hot. Every word Adele spoke was the truth. If they’d swapped places, Kash would be so far up his ass Adele wouldn’t get the chance to even try something like this on his own.

He swallowed heavily, then nodded. “Okay.”

Adele looked a little stunned. “Okay? Just like that?”

Kash shrugged and met his gaze. “Yeah. Just like that. You’re right, and I was being a dipshit.” He bit his lip, then added, “You’ll have to take a bunch of days off work though.”

“Yeah, like they don’t owe me half a damn year if I wanted one,” Adele said with a dark laugh. “I haven’t had a vacation since Gage was twelve.”

Kash blinked at him. “Are you serious?”

Adele shrugged. “He hated being away from home, and three-day weekends were always enough for us. I, uh…I know I should have come to see you more often?—”

“No,” Kash said quickly, reaching for Adele’s hand. His fingers were stiff, but he managed to give him a gentle squeeze. “That’s not what I meant. Of course, I would have loved to see you, but you spend too much time worrying about other people. What about you?”

“I’m fine,” Adele said, and Kash suspected that was one of the first lies he’d told since Kash got there.

Letting him go, Kash sighed. “Well, anyway, you need to make that up to Gage before he goes off to college. He deserves a little time away with his family.”

“We can. We can plan something this summer.”

We can. We. The word bounced around his head, but not in a good way.

Kash knew that if this was ALS, he’d be around for the summer. He’d be around for a few more summers. He just didn’t know how many or how long he’d be able to travel without round-the-clock care.

Fuck.

A few tears escaped, and he swiped them away before Adele noticed. The silence carried on for a long beat, and then Adele cleared his throat.

“I thought you were seeing someone.”

Kash blinked at him. “You…what?”

Adele looked a little regretful for his words, but he didn’t take them back. “I thought you’d met someone andyou were going to see them. That’s why you were packing, and that’s why you didn’t want me to come along.”

Kash had no idea what to say. It took him a full thirty seconds to find any words. “You think I want to date when I’m like this?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you like this,” Adele said, and the fierce honesty in his voice was almost more painful than the lie Kash thought he was going to hear. “You deserve to be loved in whatever state your body exists. And I know that’s rich coming from me, who—apart from my potassium being a little low—is in good health and hasn’t dated since my divorce. But I mean it. I really fucking mean it. You deserve to be loved.”

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