Page 11 of Chasing You

But only if it could be related back to being injured on the job.

If that ended up not being the case…he was pretty screwed.

“I’ll have the desk call you with the testing dates,” the doctor said. He clicked his pen twice more before shoving it into his pocket and rising from his little rolling stool. He grabbed Kash’s cane and handed it over. “Would you like a hand?”

“I’ve got it.” He would like a hand, but he also had the wild, unrealistic thought that if he needed help getting up, it meant the doctor was right. That this was those three terrifying letters that meant it was all going to be over long before he was ready to go.

And he wasn’t ready to accept that yet.

Luckily, the doctor was probably well familiar with people’s sense of dwindling pride and gave him the moment alone he needed. He closed the door behind him, and Kash pressed the cane tip into the floor and rose. His legs protested painfully and stiffly, but he forced one foot in front of the other as he made his way out.

A wheelchair sounded really fucking nice right then. And better braces for his legs to keep his feet straight when his toes were curling so hard and so far that it turned his feet inward. He made it to the desk as he pulled his phone out to order a rideshare, then smiled at the front desk lady with the pink strip of hair in her black locks.

“Looks like Dr. Marsh wants us to call you to schedule some appointments for testing,” she said.

He stared at her name badge. Kassie. Pretty name. It matched her smile. “Yes, please.”

“No problem. You’re all set for today. Do you need help getting out?”

Kash grimaced. Was it going to be like that everywhere he went? Pity and offers to help him? It was odd that he felt so bitter about it. He’d spent half his life making sure that people he met on calls felt no shame in needing assistance. But here he was, desperate for it and feeling like he was choking to death on what was left of his ego.

“I’m all good. Have a great afternoon.”

It took him so long to reach the doors the ride was waiting for him when he got to the sidewalk. It was a youngwoman with a sign on the back that read, Thank You For Your Patronage. I’m Deaf. If you need my attention, please tap my shoulder.

Kash had taken ASL right after he’d gotten his job and had his first Deaf patient, who was panicking and unable to communicate outside of sign language. It was coming in handy now that he’d met Frey with his Deaf son, but it felt strange. Almost like that memory belonged to someone else living a life that hadn’t been his.

He felt so damn disconnected from it all. Words were buzzing around his head from the doctor and the weight of the upcoming tests that would determine whether or not his life was going to be long or short. Which, of course, was ridiculous. He could get hit by a drunk driver on his way home and go out that way.

But that didn’t change the weight sitting on his chest. Fuck, he was going to have to face reality. And worse, he was going to have to make everyone else face it as well. It was bad enough he had Adele and Gage on a knife’s edge waiting to know what was wrong with him, but he’d have to call his brother too—the one member of his family he still spoke to—and confess that he’d been hiding a lot recently.

God, he was going to have to sit everyone he cared about down and possibly say the words “I’m dying.”

He felt sick. He shoved the thought out of his head and quickly signed thanks to his driver as he settled in the back seat. She grinned like he’d made her day, and he wondered if he’d feel like that someday. Assuming the doctor was wrong and he lived to see it.

If he was completely disabled, would he be grateful to someone doing the absolute bare minimum?

He supposed so. He felt like that now. Hell, he’d felt likethat most of his life. Grateful for friends who tolerated him. Grateful that Adele kept him around this long. Grateful that he got even a little bit of Adele’s attention, though never in the way he desperately wanted.

It wasn’t fair to put that on Adele, however. He’d been an amazing friend, and Kash had watched him purge his life of anything that took attention away from his son after his divorce and subsequent breakdown. He’d been there when Adele was at his worst, and between him and Bowen, they’d pulled him out of the pit.

Adele had been grateful then. And he was such a good man, and he never let Kash forget how much he appreciated his friendship.

In truth, he was pining and feeling a little bitter about the fact that his life was probably going to be cut short and he wouldn’t have time to see Adele get old. It also didn’t help that Kash worried himself to the point of feeling sick that Adele had spent so much time taking care of others that now he was about to have an empty nest and he was all alone.

And if Kashwasterminal, if hewasgoing to die in the next couple of years, he wanted to know that Adele had someone to take care of him. He’d seen what happened when Adele’s marriage had fallen apart. He didn’t want to think what would happen if Adele’s son moved away and then he lost his best friend.

He had to sacrifice his pointless fantasy of a happily ever after because that wasn’t going to help anyone. His energy was better spent on making sure Adele dropped his guard and finally let someone close to him.

The thought carried with him all the way home. He signed another thank you to the driver before heading inside, and he was happy that the place was empty. Gage’sbest friend, Lucas, was over a lot—not that Kash minded. The kid was a little mouthy, but Kash liked that about him. And he seemed to make Gage happy, which was good because the kid had a quiet, unnamed chip on his shoulder that he never spoke about, and Kash worried about him almost as much as he worried about Adele.

But it was nice to have some peace and quiet. His legs were hurting, and he wanted a muscle relaxer and a nap before the whole dinner thing. Ridge was coming over. Ridge, who was Adele’s new work and dad friend. Ridge, who Kash was starting to think more and more might be a good fit for his best friend.

He hadn’t met him in person. They’d crossed paths at a couple of barbeques, but this would be the first time they were in the same room together for an extended period of time. It would be the ideal moment to assess him and determine whether or not he was worthy of Adele.

Kash would be hard on him, but only because Adele deserved the best.

And maybe that was why the universe saw fit to take him out of the equation. He was a good person, but he wasn’t the best, and he’d probably never be worthy of Adele.

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