Page 30 of Honoring Lena

Sixteen

“Oh, where are we going now?”Lena grabbed the book Carter handed her, and Marshall watched with rapt attention as she helped Carter onto her lap.

“On a bear hunt.” Carter placed both hands on her shoulders. “Don’t worry. We’re not scared.”

Marshall chuckled from the kitchen where he put the last of the dishes away. This entire day had been amazing, and the coziness of the cabin capped the night off perfectly. He paused to hear what Lena would say.

“We’re not?” Her eyes widened theatrically like she wasn’t sure.

“Nope.” Carter turned around and settled in her lap. “Me will protect you.”

Lena smiled and smoothed Carter’s still-damp hair down. She gave him a hug as she read about catching a big bear and swishy grass. The scene warmed Marshall’s heart and made it all liquid like lava. He clicked the last plate in the cupboard. At some point after Amara’s death, he’d let his heart go as hard as rock. Seeing Lena with Carter, and spending time without the pressures of guilt and responsibility hitting him from every angle, had heated his core to a molten mess.

He didn’t want to stay on the outside of his life with Carter anymore. He wanted to snuggle on the couch, reading books and making memories. If Lena happened to cozy up to them, too, Marshall couldn’t imagine anything better. Her forgiveness earlier might just be the step in the right direction to make that newfound dream a reality.

He crossed the room just as the adventurer in the book traveled through the deep, dark wood. Instead of settling into the recliner, he sat on the loveseat with the two of them. Like a family. He stretched his arm across the back of the couch, and Lena turned a hesitant smile to him as she and Carter recited words they’d obviously read several times. How was it that a week before, her eyes had shot daggers at him? Marshall never wanted to leave this place, didn’t want to leave Lena and Carter there.

Yet, he had to.

He’d been gone from his business with no communication for much longer than he was comfortable with, especially knowing some insidious organization wanted to take him down. Would he get back to reality and find everything he’d worked for gone?

He trusted Ed could take care of things, but Ed wasn’t Marshall. As much as he could rely on and respect his best friend, sometimes their ideas of what the company needed varied greatly. Plus, the vote was only three days away. Marshall couldn’t just leave that to chance, not when he’d dedicated the last year and a half to putting all the pieces in place for the bill to have a good chance of passing.

Could he just leave Lena and Carter up here alone? Lena could handle anything the Alaskan wilderness threw at her, but Marshall wasn’t sure he could be away from Carter for however long it would take to guarantee his safety. He also didn’t want to lose any ground he’d gained with Lena.

“It’s a bear!” Carter yelled, his smile stretching across his face in excitement as he peeked up at Lena.

As they rushed back through the scenes of the book, Carter’s giggling voice rose in anticipation. When the story’s family claimed they wouldn’t go bear hunting again, his tiny forehead scrunched in thought. Just what would his son come up with this time? Marshall held his breath, waiting for what would spill from Carter’s lips.

“We’d go on a bear hunt again, wouldn’t we?” He lay down so his head was on the armrest and his feet stretched across to Marshall’s lap. “We no be scaredy cats, would we Eena?”

“Nope.” Lena smoothed Carter’s hair off of his forehead, her fingers trailing down his cheek. “When you’re afraid, you have to push through and do what needs to be done.” This time when she ran her fingers through his hair, his eyes drooped closed. “Sometimes the fear will go away, but often it doesn’t and you just have to continue through it.”

“Are you ever ’fraid, Eena?” Carter’s voiced slurred with sleep.

She swallowed and peeked at Marshall. “Yeah, Carter, I get afraid sometimes.”

“Okay, buddy, it’s bedtime.” Marshall rubbed Carter’s belly. “Give Lena a hug goodnight, and I’ll put you to bed.”

“Will you pray for me like Eena does?”

Carter’s question had Marshall’s eyes darting to Lena’s. She prayed for his son? What didn’t she do? She’d make an amazing mom someday.

“Yeah, I’ll pray for you.” He cleared his throat, pushing down the emotion clogging it.

Carter sat up and threw his arms around Lena’s neck. “Me love you, Eena.”

“I love you too.” She closed her eyes and leaned into the hug.

Marshall wanted to witness that exchange every night. His desire to make them all a family reared up strong and scared him. He pulled Carter into his arms and carried him to their room.

How could he have such powerful feelings for her when he’d spent the last two years feeling nothing? Could she ever feel the same? What if he lost her like he lost Amara? The more questions that tumbled through his head, the more the fear clawed up his gut and swarmed over the hopeful feelings that had bloomed there.

What was it that Lena had said?

Sometimes pushing through fear was the only way to get to the goal.

He settled Carter into his bed, said a prayer for protection, and kissed him on the head all while his mind raced with thoughts of Lena. Marshall didn’t want to go back to the hardened person he’d become. Though the feelings swirling within him made him uncomfortable with confusion and worry, they also infused him with a dream he’d thought he could never aspire to again. He desired a family for Carter, wanted siblings he could play with. Brothers or sisters with raven hair and eyes so dark he could get lost in them. After being with the Rebels, a small family didn’t seem as satisfying as it once had.

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