Her throat closed with stupid, unshed tears, so she jerked her head in acknowledgment. She had to get herself under control. Had to get safely in the air so she could just breathe and lock everything that threatened to burst from her back into its rightful place. She’d let her feelings lead her once before and look where that got her—with a dead fiancé and a shattered heart. Hadn’t she learned her lesson?
She stomped after her brother, who was leading the Rands. Carter skipped next to his dad with Marshall clinging to his hand. The cute kid glanced back to her with such excitement shining from his face that her heart melted all over again. How would she ever put herself back together if she stayed with Carter?
If she didn’t, what other feelings would sneak in and bombard her heart?
Her eyes flicked to Marshall as the memory of his touch on her hand rushed back. The sparks that had shot up her arm had left her with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Problem was, she couldn’t tell if it was revulsion or attraction. It had to be the former. She wasn’t attracted to him. Well, she shouldn’t be attracted to him. He’d been part of what led to Ethan’s death. On top of that, he piecemealed his time and love out to his son like some fiendish guard at a concentration camp. The poor boy starved for his daddy’s attention, but never got enough moments to truly satisfy his hunger.
Her jaw ached as she clenched her teeth at the well-known bitterness that welled within her. She just had to keep all that fresh in her mind until she contained this situation and she could get another assignment. If she had any hope of pulling herself back to where she’d been comfortable, she’d have to distance herself emotionally from Carter.
“Come on, Eena.” Carter ran up and tugged on her hand, the motion wrenching open the chinks around her heart even further. “Me going on a elicoper.”
His big brown eyes, filled with such trust and love, beamed up at her. How could she cut herself off from the person who meant so much to her? Her indecision during the attack and the panic that had filled her threatened to fray her senses again. When his safety was on the line, how could she wall herself up so she could protect him better? It had everything to do with keeping him safe, and nothing to do with the confusing emotions churning within her. She helped Carter climb into the helicopter and swallowed the bitter lie.