Page 35 of Honoring Lena

Nineteen

“What about this one?”Marshall asked from twenty feet away where he crouched over an amanita mushroom.

“Well, its nickname is Death Cap,” Lena said dryly as she adjusted a sleeping Carter in the sling she’d rigged from her things.

“Nope.” Marshall straightened, kicked the red-topped mushroom, and huffed. “How is it you found enough for supper and breakfast, and I can’t find a single one?”

“I just stumbled on a good patch is all.”

He grunted like he didn’t quite believe her. As Marshall attempted to help, his frustration had mounted throughout the morning. Sure, he didn’t know north from south when it came to the outdoors, he had been in the Chair Force after all, but his trying shifted her thoughts of him even more. He’d called it his crash course in all things Lena. She smiled at the way he had said it, like it was the most important training he’d ever had.

What impressed her even more was how he really focused on what she would tell him. He didn’t let his ego impede her teaching him. Instead, he constantly checked what he was doing against her example, asking if he was right. Not only did he trust her completely to get them to safety, but his respect of her showed in everything he did.

She never could have imagined how attractive that was.

He moved toward her. His one-sided smile that revealed a dimple had her stomach rioting like a flock of snow buntings had just taken off. Her mom was right, again. Letting forgiveness into Lena’s heart had been like a go-ahead for her brain to notice all the good in Marshall, opening a future she’d never imagined possible.

Of course, she’d have to keep them alive first.

She just had to head them toward the network of cabins set up in the Wrangell-St. Elias National Park. If a rescue didn’t happen before they reached the first cabin, they’d at least have shelter as they made their way out of the park.

“Guess if dinner’s up to me, we’ll be eating spruce bark.” He laughed, but she heard the dejection in his tone.

She hated that his shoulders slumped a little more with each failed mushroom identification. Hated how he thought he wouldn’t succeed. She’d been raised in the woods, and even she didn’t remember everything. Why was it so important to him to get it right? Was it him not having a clue, or was it something more? She stopped, her forehead crinkling at the puzzle he presented.

“What?” Marshall wiped his cheek. “Did I smear my face with dirt again?”

Her voice suddenly clogged at the back of her mouth, so she shook her head. She adjusted the shoulder strap holding Carter with one hand and reached out and ran the back of her fingers across his skin with the other. He stilled like a spooked caribou. How could she keep him encouraged? Well, she could start by telling him what was growing in her heart.

She stepped closer and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. One of his hands bunched the back of her shirt like he was desperate for her touch and worried she’d step away, while the other gently cupped her cheek like she was delicate silk. Tension snapped between them as she pressed her forehead to his, their breath dancing with each ragged intake and exhale.

“Lena?” Marshall smoothed his hand across her back, his voice rough and low.

What she felt for him differed from her relationship with Ethan. With Ethan, excitement and the thrill of their secret love had laced the relationship with a constant high. That was just who Ethan was, burning hot for life, and she’d loved that about him.

Marshall left her warm all over, like he’d built a fire deep within her and he planned on camping out. He was comfort and safety, which was a ridiculous thought. She was the one who was supposed to protect him, yet with him she felt sheltered. Fortified. He’d seen the worst from her, had experienced her disdain. Still, his calm confidence and willingness to let her take the lead sang to her spirit and let her soar.

“I… we’re going to be okay.” Her lips brushed against his as her whisper sent the buntings in her stomach to flip like they’d found fresh grass. “Together, we can get through this.”

He pulled back just enough to search her face. She held her breath, waiting for his rejection. She’d been so cold and rude to him, he might not even want her. His expression turned from shock to determined, curling her toes in her hiking boots. He cupped both hands around the back of her neck. His kiss held urgency and hope, jumbling her thoughts up even more. His scorching touch morphed the buntings into flames.

Carter whimpered and shifted, though the whimpering may have been her own. She had to get them to safety. She wasn’t quite ready to put a name on what she felt for Marshall, but she wanted to protect it, to sink her claws in and hang on like a wolverine.

“You are an amazing woman, Lena Rebel.” Marshall wrapped his arms around her and Carter, and tucked her under his chin. “How… how can you possibly stand being near me, let alone forgive me? I don’t deserve it, not after the mess I made of things, the trouble I’m still causing.”

She pushed back enough to look up at him. “This isn’t your fault, Marshall. Stop blaming yourself.” She put her head on his shoulder, glad she finally realized the fact. “My father always said that when you’re doing good, honorable things, the devil zeroes in like there’s a target on your back. With everything you’re doing, both before that bill two years ago and after, your target must be a billboard.”

His swallow was loud in Lena’s ear, and he tightened his embrace. “That’s the problem, though, isn’t it? If it was just me, I wouldn’t care how big the target was, but it’s not. Shouldn’t I be thinking about Carter’s safety? They’ll kill him just like they did Amara if they have to.”

“My father also says that doing right means sacrifice.” Raising her head, she stared into his eyes. “We both know that more than most. Yet, the fight for good is worth it. I promise, I’ll do whatever I can to keep Carter safe. When we get back, I’ll clean out your entire security detail and hire friends I have from the military, trustworthy men and women who won’t sell out. Home will be more secure than Fort Knox.”

She bit her lip, not sure how he’d take the next thing that was on her heart. “But, Marshall, you don’t want to become the person who would compromise his morals for safety, whether your own or someone else’s. You’ve shown how much that would tear at you these past two years.”

His jaw clenched, and he looked out into the woods. Had she overstepped? Though she loved Carter with all her heart, she wasn’t his mother. Would she say the same thing if her own son was in danger? Maybe growing up Alaskan gave people the realization just how difficult life was. The only guarantees this existence had were that challenges would come, but there was always hope, hard work, the love of God, and loving others.

He turned back to her, his gaze piercing deep into her soul. “Is home Kentucky, then?”

“Maybe.” She swallowed down her sudden nervousness.

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