Page 26 of Honoring Lena

Fourteen

“Let’sget the rest of the gear,” Lena snapped at Bjørn as she stomped through the living room.

Her ears heated to lava levels as she jogged down the stairs and headed toward the helicopter. Darn her mom and the thoughts she had planted in Lena’s head. Since the conversation the night before, the minute she let the guard on her mind down, it spun with possibilities.

What if she let her heart forgive?

Would she not feel such crushing darkness trapping her anymore?

“Hey.” Bjørn pushed her shoulder as he stepped up beside her. “You had a nice blush going on back there. Mind telling me what that’s all about?”

“Mind your own business,” she snapped back, cringing at her sharp tone.

“Sheesh, Lena. Ease up.” He grabbed her elbow and pulled her to a stop. “I’m joking. You know, that fun bantering we used to live for?”

“I’m not in the mood for your joking right now.”

“You’re never in the mood.” He threw his hands up in exasperation, stomped toward his helicopter, then turned and stomped back. “I understand you needed time to grieve. I know what that mission cost you. It’s been tearing me up that I couldn’t help you, that I couldn’t do anything to help the team get out sooner.”

His anger deflated as his shoulders slumped and he looked off down the valley. She didn’t want to talk about that mission. She didn’t want to see Ethan’s blood saturating his sleeve. Didn’t want to relive her own life draining from her as reality crashed in. She held her hands up to ward off any more talk.

“Do you know how many nights I lie awake, wondering if I should’ve found a closer extraction point?” Bjørn ignored her silent pleas to stop, his question sending ice down her spine. “I could’ve relayed a closer rendezvous when things blew up. The map had shown a clearing closer to the compound I could’ve landed in. What if getting Ethan to you earlier would have saved him? Maybe then, Jake wouldn’t have lost his leg.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “Maybe then, your world wouldn’t have crumbled to what you have now.”

“That wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known how bad the mission would go.” She never thought pushing her family away in her grief would make Bjørn’s healing harder.

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his neck. “I’m ready for a new life now. I’m ready to put all the heartache of failed missions behind me.” He shook his head and met her gaze. “It’s past time for you to leave it behind too.”

“I … I can’t.” She blinked to clear the sting from her eyes.

“Ethan wouldn’t want this life of loneliness and bitter hate for you.” He stepped closer and pointed his finger at her heart. “He’d want you to live and find happiness, not wallow in your fear, pushing everyone away. You’re being a coward, Lena.” He poked her in the shoulder. “Knock it off before you push so many people away that all you’re left with are ghosts.”

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