Page 73 of Pride, Prejudice, & Pretense

It wasn't just that she started the mission fatigued, although that hadn't helped. It wasn't even her quickly developing feelings for Darcy, although her feelings toward him magnified all that was happening, causing her to be happy, miserable, and ashamed all at once. It was primarily the experience, for lack of a kinder way of putting it, ofprostituting herself.One part of her was consenting to and even inviting what another part of her (the better part) deplored, being groped and fondled by a man she loathed. Self-objectification.

And those things were the very means of the mission?not its consequences, intended or foreseen. That's why it was calleda seduction mission. She, her very person, was the honeypot.

Darcy was looking at her again. She saw guilt in his eyes that mirrored her own feelings of guilt. "When I did think it though, I turned to checkers for answers, but it only presented my problem to me anew. How can you win the game without the sacrifice of pieces?"

Lizzy could feel the anguish he felt and knew it was because of her. He went on after a moment, his voice low. "When Wickham came to the United States and I followed, I went toKellynch expecting to be supplied an agent of a certain kind. Female agents who've been at this a long time, for years, usually are…" He searched for the right word or phrase but Lizzy knew what he meant.Hard.

"I know," she said, ending his search without supplying the word or phrase. The female CIA agents that Lizzy knew who had been with the Company as long as she had were rarely women she found personally appealing; she had no friends among them. They were entirely closed off.Perhaps I avoid them because they show me my future.It's only a matter of time until I am one of them.

"Given who I asked for, I never imagined Kellynch would assign…you." Darcy smiled at her, a smile wide with recollection, and she felt lighter immediately. She blew out a breath, releasing much of the tension she had been carrying since Wickham visited.

"You didn't seem thrilled with me."

"I wasn't. And I was. You weren't what I pictured for the mission but you…affected me."

Lizzy reddened. "You made me blush, and you keep doing it, and I told myself I rarely do that. I was wrong."

He put his hand on her leg, just above the knee, and she rested her hand on his. Perhaps in the long run, the handholding would prove to be a bad idea. Right now, it made Lizzy feel better, lighter still. Darcy stared at her hand atop his, opening his fingers so that she could entwine hers with his. She did.

When she looked into his face again, he had grown serious. "Elizabeth, I want to capture Wickham, dismantle the Wicker Man. I want to him to pay for the pain he's caused, particularly Georgiana's pain—but risking you to do that, now that I…now that I…knowyou, I don't want any of it that much. We can shut this mission down, all of it. I'll take the blame, tell Kellynch that I've made Wickham suspicious, tell Kellynchsomething.You'llbear no blame, neither you nor Bingley. You can go back to D.C., and I'll go back to London. Maybe I'll manage another chance at Wickham."

She gazed at him for a moment before speaking, not sure what to say. As much as she wanted to escape from the clutches of the Wicker Man, she did not want to take her hand from Darcy’s. If the mission ended and Darcy went back to London, she might never see him again. That would be true even if she planned to stay with the Company, but she didn't. It became even more likely that they’d lose each other if she returned to civilian life and he remained with MI-6.

However, staying with the mission, staying with Darcy, required facing Wickham again out in the world in an uncontrolled environment and subjecting herself and Darcy to more of his disturbing advances.

She decided to try to express some of what she felt, her confusion, when his phone vibrated. He had to let go of her hand to pull the phone from his pocket.

"It's Bingley. He'll be on the computer in a minute. Can you get it out?"

Lizzy swallowed what she was going to say and got up, going to the bedroom closet to retrieve the computer where she had hidden it. While she was there, she turned on the phones in her drawer. When she returned to the kitchen counter, Darcy was standing at the window looking out of the same window Wickham had looked out when he complained of his long day. Darcy seemed lost in the lights of the city.

The computer came on. A moment later, Charlie appeared. "Hey, Lizzy. Where's—" He stopped his question and gave a little wave as Darcy stepped into view, then seemed to regret the gesture. He cleared his throat and dropped his hand. "Well, Wickham didn't go straight to Rosings. He was headed that way, but he made a U-turn and headed back to the city. He ended upringing the bell for a while at an apartment a few miles away. No one answered. I was able to have analysts check on the address. Turns out it belongs to the young woman I saw in the Polaroid photo with Wickham and Lady Catherine."

A photo from a student ID came on the screen, replacing Charlie. It showed a blonde, dark-eyed young woman with a shy smile. "She's a UIC student, Teresa Sanz. A sophomore. Her parents pay for the apartment. It's not clear how she and Wickham or Lady Catherine met each other, but it seemed to me he was there hoping for…what he didn't get at Fanny's."

Lizzy looked at the photo more closely. She wondered what the story was for the young woman, how she had found herself in a Rosings' bedroom Polaroid. "Does she have a record?"

"No, none." Charlie’s face reappeared on the screen. "The analysts sent me what they had. High school and college transcripts. Good student. Other than that, there's not much. I'll send copies to you, Lizzy. Anyway, after Wickham got no answer, he drove straight on to Rosings. He had borrowed one of Lady Catherine's cars to go to the airport, to Fanny's, to Teresa’s, and then, eventually, to Rosings."

Lizzy sighed in frustration. "Do we still have no clear picture of how Lady Catherine is involved with Wickham…I mean other than the bedroom way?"

He shook his head. "No, nothing concrete, specific. It doesn’t seem possible that she doesn't know who and what he is, but the Company hasn’t been able to find any financial record linking them. I doubt she's just handing him piles of cash over dinner in Rosings, but"?Charlie shrugged, smiling grimly?"who knows?"

Darcy looked from the screen to Lizzy. Annoyance colored his comments. "I've told themweneed to know! A dedicated team, both Company and MI-6 analysts, have been scouringLady Catherine's finances since we got to Chicago. Whatever she’s been doing, she's hiding it well."

"Do you think that Father Robyn might have seen anything between them or noticed anything odd?" Lizzy suggested. "He doesn't like Wickham?hates him, in fact. Maybe if Fanny talked to Father Robyn…"

Darcy shook his head. "No, not yet. The man’s not discreet, and his dislike of Wickham might make it hard for him to keep Fanny's visit and questions a secret, even if she requested it. Hell, even if he tried to be quiet. He might feel the need to wax eloquent about Errol Flynn and tights again, and who knows where that might lead."

Lizzy shrugged. "OK, but we should keep him in mind. He's not an idiot, even if he is indiscreet."

Darcy nodded. "Yes, we will. I'll be over in a few minutes, Bingley. Anything else?"

"The detectors implanted in Lizzy's door frame showed that Wickham carried no gun into her apartment, carried nothing questionable. He took nothing with him when he left."

Flicking his eyes to Lizzy, Darcy responded, "Well, he took something with him when he left, and he brought it to Ms. Sanz, but she wasn't there for him to give it to." The comment started half-jokingly, but by the time he finished, he was speaking from between clenched teeth. "We need to know more about her. Sanz. Bingley, you're going to find her tomorrow, meet hercuteif you can manage it, undercover, and see if you can get a better sense of her. Is she only what she seems to be in Polaroids?a dalliance?or does she somehow matter to the Wicker Man?"

Charlie did not look enthused about his new assignment. "Ok, Darcy, I'll do it. You're on your way back?"

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