Page 96 of Pride, Prejudice, & Pretense

"But that's just my pet theory?ignore it if you want. I don't offer it as your doctor but as one woman to another, one human being to another."

She looked down at the chart self-consciously and cleared her throat. "Officially, I'm here to tell you that, so far, all the tests we've run"?she glanced up, eyes above her half glasses, then back down at the chart?"including the tests that are part of the sexual assault evidence collection kit"?she paused?"have come backnegative. No penetration, no discharge of semen. No disease. Given that, any risk of pregnancy is very, very slim, but we will test you before we release you.

"I want to keep you for a few more days. Physically, you'll be fine. Head trauma, mild concussion. Some stitches necessary, but there’s no skull fracture. You were in and out for a while, asI already told you. You may or may not remember the conscious moments. Your back was bruised and badly scraped. You have two cracked ribs. Bad blisters on both feet. But everything's healing well.

"You need to rest, sleep as much as you can. As my sainted dad would've said, you've been burning the candle at both ends. Serious burnout. Stress…mountainousstress. People used to call it a nervous breakdown?now it's called a mental health crisis. You're uncomfortably close to having one, whichever term you use."

Lizzy nodded, listening, processing, and went back to staring up at the white ceiling again.For how long have I been operating under this level of stress? Denial?

She knew the answer.Since the Farm.

It had been an unspoken part of the training there, an overarching class they all took that no one acknowledged because it never appeared on a syllabus.Inhumanity 101.Lizzy shook her head at the realization, one that she’d never entertained before. At college, she had been a student of the humanities. At the Farm, she graduated to the inhumanities.

"A mental health crisis? Am Icrazy?"

Dr. Williams laughed indulgently. "No, butthat'sexactly your problem. You've managed to stay sane, to cling to sanity somehow in what I'm guessing is and has been a gonzo world. That’s created the stress. If you were crazy, gonzo in your gonzo world, there'd be no stress—but of course, there'd be other problems, like, well…a steadily worsening psychopathology. They put you through training school, right?"

Lizzy nodded.

"The CIA? What's it called, The Farm?"

Lizzy nodded again.

"They must be teachingcrazythere and excusing themselves for doing it because, for all the damage they do toyou agents, they claim the good you do for others justifies it. The tool doesn't matter?beat it to death, foul it beyond recognition, strip it of integrity and self-respect—only the job matters.Assholes!" The doctor's voice was quiet, angry, and exasperated. She stomped her foot on her final word.

Lizzy did not respond to any of what Dr. Williams said. Mention of the Farm brought Agent McDougal to her mind. Karen's words: "I hated those classes at the Farm."

How could I have forgotten to ask about her? Maybe Iamcrazy?

"What about Karen? Agent McDougal? What can you tell me?"

Dr. Williams shrugged. "I really can't say much. In fact, I shouldn't say anything?HIPAA and all?but I will say that I believe she'll pull through."

"Can I see her?"

"Yes, but wait until tomorrow. Let’s see how she's doing then. We'll get you up today and let you walk around some in your room, but we should put off any hallway travel until then, anyway.

"Besides, Agent Bingley is outside and wants to talk to you. Sorry if I was making long speeches. I don't care for your Director Kellynch, as I guess you can tell. Agents Darcy and Bingley I like, even if Agent Darcy's a little stiff, a little hard. But I'll be glad when my hospital exorcizes all its spooks."

"Wait," Lizzy protested, shifting in her bed. "Where am I?" Only then had she realized she didn't know.

She was a mess, her thoughts swampy, her emotions distant, numb. She couldrememberhow she felt when Fitzwilliam left her hospital room, but she could notfeelit. The sadness was there…but far away, funereal velvet she had touched, crushed in her hand, but now she could only recollect, not handle.

"You're at Banner Wyoming Medical Center," Dr. Williams said. "In a wing of the hospital that's recently been remodeled and is not yet open for use or to the public. Director Kellynch demanded it. By the way, there are guards outside your room and Agent McDougal's, which is just down the hall. A precaution, Kellynch called it, but he didn't explain beyond that. It’s obvious, though, he’s worried that the two of you are still in danger. I suspect Agent Bingley can tell you more about that. Shall I let him come in?"

"Please," Lizzy said. She wanted to know about what had happened on the mountain, what had happened since.What happened in Rapid City?

Her doctor left the room.

A moment later, Charlie walked in, eager and sheepish. He gave her his best boyish smile as he reached the bed, his eagerness winning out. "Hey, Lizzy! So good to see you awake!"

"Charlie! What happened in Rapid City, the Pow Wow?" There was so much she needed to know?no time for greetings.

He put his hand on her forearm and gazed into her eyes. "Thanks to you,nothinghappened! You came to for a minute up on the mountain and kept telling Darcy to check your phone. Over and over. We did, and we found the pictures. The plan. A bomb squad found the explosive the next morning and disabled it. No one was hurt. The events went on that day and night as planned but with extra security. Who knows what kind of chaos and injury and death would have happened if you hadn't found those plans and told Darcy?"

"I told him?"

"You don't remember?" His voice was soft as he removed his hand from her arm. "You were upset, badly upset. Blood all over you."

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