Page 76 of Pride, Prejudice, & Pretense

Lizzy sat for a moment, pulling her mind fully back to the present. "There is. Fitzwilliam Darcy."

"Darcy?What do you mean?"

"I have feelings for him. Deep…feelings."

Jane started to say something but stopped, making only an unintelligible sound. After a moment, she started again. "So soon?"

"Yes. And you know I've never had any history of falling for mission partners."

"No, but you mostly work alone."Oh…right!"Are you sure? Sure of yourself, I mean? The anxiety and intensity of missions, especially seduction missions, can create…illusory feelings. Partners in deep cover, pretending to be a couple…they start believing theyarea couple. Then the mission ends and the illusion melts away, like frosting on a still too-warm cake. It all slides away, and they're left as their own marks. Surely you remember cautions against this at the Farm."

Lizzy did. She had not brought them explicitly to mind, but they had been there, drilled into her long ago, not in the front of her mind until now but ultimately unforgettable. "I do remember…butthisisn'tthat.I'm not duping myself, and neither is he."

"So he's told you that he has deep feelings for you, too?"

"Yes. No. Sort of. He's reluctant—as I am—to let it all begin in earnest, go too far, while we still have the mission to finish. For both professional and personal reasons."

"And you think he's ready to make the same sort of decision you are? He’s done, ready to leave the spy world for a normal life with you?"

"I don't know," Lizzy confessed in a rushed breath. "Maybe. He wantssomethingwith me."

"Something? Are you sure it's not just a vacation, a long weekend, when the mission ends? Play out the tension between you and then part company?"

"You think he's hoping we're…what? Partners witheventualbenefits?"

"I don't know what, exactly. I'm just trying to make sure you're thinking straight. I admit Darcy's done an about-face where Charlie and I are concerned. I'm making this call because of him. I'd say it's obvious that…something had changed with Mister MI-6. It may be all you want. I hope it is, Lizzy. All the time that I've known you, I've known you wanted…deep feelings, the deepest love. There was always something sending you back to Kellynch, back for yet another mission…"

The two friends sat in silence for several beats until Lizzy finally broke it. "I've been thinking about myself, Jane. This mission has stirred up more than new feelings. It’s stirring up old memories with a new sense of what they mean, who I've been, and why. I won't pretend I've got it all worked out, but I'm working on it."

"Good! I'm happy for you. But don't get too far ahead of where you are. It was obvious from the time you took this mission and dyed your hair that something was up. I wasn't sure if it was Darcy, but I suspected it. Just remember, blonde is not your natural color."

The computer beeped in the kitchen. "I will. Got to go. Mission."

"Okay. You're going to be all right?"

"Yes, Jane. Thanks for calling. You always do me good!"

She ended the call and got up, moving quickly through the apartment to the laptop and touching a button. Fanny's phone sat beside the laptop on the counter.

Fitzwilliam smiled at Lizzy from the screen. He hadn't shaved, although he looked showered and dressed. She took a breath; she could almost feel his rough inky stubble against the delicate skin of her face. The warmth in her chest from earlier spread all through her, sinking south.

"Good morning."

"Morning," she replied, pushing the laptop back a bit and climbing on a stool. "I got up late and haven't had a chance to shower or dress."

"It's fine." He paused as if thinking, then added softly, "I like your hair mussed."

For some reason, the small compliment made her feel almost dizzy. She took hold of the counter with one hand, steadying herself on her stool. Trying to sound as if she were in mission mode, she asked, "Where's Bingley?"

"He's out, hoping to meet Teresa Sanz, the UIC student and…"

"Wickham and Catherine'sgirl-toy," Lizzy said by way of ending Fitzwilliam’s sentence. “Do you think we might be able to cultivate her, get her to help us in some way?"

"Well, I'd certainly like to know if she has more than a one-night knowledge of Rosings or Wickham. The fact that he went to her apartment suggests there's more. But who knows? Bingley will have to trust his instincts. None of our background on Lady Catherine suggests that she even occasionally dallies with women, so it seems more likely that Wickham invited Sanz to the bedroom."

Lizzy nodded. "By the way," Fitzwilliam added, shifting tone, "Bingley's got the library phone tree set up. If Wickham calls, he'll think he's reaching you at work. Don't forget where you're supposed to be."

"I won't."

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