Page 10 of Big Filthy Mobster

“Patrick,” I breathe, realizing I’ve been staring for too long.

“Hi, Holly,” he says, relief evident on his face. “Sorry I haven’t been around over the past few days. I know I have some explaining to do. Do you mind if I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” I step back so he can come inside. “Do you mind closing the door? I need to turn the stove off.”

While I’m turning off the burner, something churns in my stomach. The latch of the door clicks, and I suck in a deep breath. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know that things between us are about to change.

Chapter Seven

Patrick

After I close the door, I keep my hands behind my back, wrapped firmly around the bouquet of roses I picked up for Holly on my way over. I know it’s a lousy apology gift, but it’s a start. I just hope she accepts them after I tell her the truth about everything.

“Here,” I offer when she gets back to me, passing them to her. “I saw them and thought of you.”

“Thank you,” Holly murmurs, glancing from the blooms to my face. “You didn’t have to.”

“Oh, but I wanted to,” I insist.

She smiles down at them before lifting them to her nose to take a deep breath of their soft aroma. Then, she gestures for me to follow her, suggesting, “We can sit down in the living room if that’s okay with you.”

“That sounds great,” I respond, starting to feel nervous about what I have to tell her. It’s been so long since I’ve opened up like this with another person.

I follow her into her living room, and when she settles onto the couch, I sit next to her. We’re close enough that our knees touch. There’s a kind of anxious energy radiating from Holly, and I feel terrible for effectively abandoning her while I figured out my own mess. It wasn’t fair to her, and it’s clear to me that I should have been more considerate of how she was feeling.

“So,” she begins after a moment, taking a shaky breath, “how have you been?”

“I’ve been okay,” I admit, drumming my fingertips along the top of my thigh. “Been doing a lot of thinking the past couple days. There are some things that I haven’t told you that I think you need to know before we get too serious.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” she jokes weakly. I can tell she’s worried, though. There’s an obvious strain in her voice, and her body is held tight like a spring about to go off.

“I guess you’ll be the judge of that,” I mutter, knocking my knee against hers, hoping the contact brings her some sort of comfort. I know it helps ground me. “I told you I had a daughter on that first night we met, but I never told you about her mother. There isn’t any case of a crazy ex-wife, but she isn’t around anymore. When my daughter Jeannie was a few years old, Delilah was diagnosed with brain cancer. We lost her a little over a year after the initial diagnosis.”

“I’m so sorry,” Holly whispers softly, reaching over to rest her hand over mine. I hadn’t even realized I was starting to shake until she stopped it. “I can’t imagine how difficult that was.”

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life,” I continue, a weight starting to lift from my shoulders as I openup. “But we made it through. I was really messed up about it for a long time, but I’ve healed. I still love Delilah with all of my heart, but that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of loving someone else.”

“Of course you still love her,” Holly reassures me, squeezing my hand compassionately. “I think I’d be concerned if you told me that you didn’t.”

I give her a warm smile. While I hadn’t expected her to be upset or doubt my ability to be with someone else, I didn’t think she’d know exactly what to say to make me feel better. She’s so full of surprises and so full of wisdom that I still haven’t gained despite the years of experience I have on her. I wonder what she’ll be able to teach me if she still wants to stick around after this next part.

“Is that what you were worried about?” she asks when I don’t respond after a few seconds. “I don’t care what happened in your past, especially not when it’s something like that.”

“No, it’s actually not what I was worried about. At least… it wasn’t my main concern,” I confess with a grimace. “I’ve also not told you about what I really do for work.”

“You haven’t,” she notes carefully. I can tell she’s already skeptical about what I do, and I can’t say that’s surprising. I’ve been dodgy about it, and Holly’s not an idiot. She must know something’s up.

“Well, that’s because it’s… complicated,” I continue, running my free hand through my hair. “And I’m worried that once you know about it, you won’t want to be around me anymore. Not that I’d blame you if that’s the decision you made. I know I needto give you the opportunity to make your own decision before we get too far into this.”

“Patrick…” she trails off, looking down at our intertwined fingers. “You’re scaring me a little.”

“That’s not my intention,” I assure her, tightening my hold on her. “But I can’t deny that you might be scared of me after I tell you this.”

“Tell me, then,” she insists a little impatiently. I think she’s going to pull away from me, but she stays right where she is.

I sigh, the speech that I prepared on my way over leaving my mind. Then, I continue, “I’ve been doing the same thing for most of my life. I worked with a group of people in New York and did some bad things.”

“Bad things?” she questions, looking away from me to stare at a point on the wall next to her tv. “I don’t think I know what you mean.”

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