Page 78 of Choices

I smile and shake my head at myself. All along, this could have been my life. Better later than never.

I just took an everything shower - probably for the first time in a decade. I wipe down the condensation in my mirror and dig underneath the vanity to find some nail polish. They're probably expired, but I find two that look okay - a white and a pink.

I bite my lower lip, debating.

My phone pings on the counter next to me.

Your #1 Fan: Go for the white.

I gasp a little, looking around me until I find the tiny camera lens in the corner. I knew they had installed cameras for safety, but Matty and Rico are just little pervs. At least it's pointed away from the toilet.

I stick my tongue out at him but can't stop my smile. Another comparison. Alan could go weeks without giving me any attention. These boys can't seem to go more than a day. A warmth spread through my bones at feeling wanted, desired.

My phone pings again.

Your #1 Fan: You know what white toenails mean, right?

Me: No?

Matty sends me a link of exactly what white-painted toenails mean and I can't help but the loud, free laugh that escapes me.

Me: Perv

Your #1 Fan: You love it.

I do. I really do. God, I love all three of my men.

So I shake the white nail polish and polish my toes.

Chapter thirty-two

Hannah

Matty's acting squirrelier than normal - and that's saying a lot. He lingered in the dark backyard again, until the kids went to bed, and then he slid in through the back door.

That's not the squirrely part. He keeps wiping his hands on his suit pants like they're sweaty. He keeps checking his watch like he's going to be late for something.

Finally, I'm done with his fidgeting.

"Matthew," I say, breaking out my mom-voice, "What's going on?"

His eyes widen comically before he lets out a deep breath.

"Oh, God. Okay. We're doing this now?"

I stare at him.

With a shaky smile, he bends down to one knee. My heart skips a beat before I realize that Matty would never propose. He knows how I feel about marriage.

But he reaches into his pants pocket and draws out a small black box. My confidence wavers. I'm going to be disappointed if he proposes. He knows me better than that. I'm going to be disappointed, and then I'm going to hurt his feelings when I say 'no'.

"Hannah Calahan," he shakes his head, laughing a little. "Oh my god, I'm so nervous," he chuckles almost to himself, wiping his hands against his suit pants. Now I'm really getting nervous. I don't want to have to reject his proposal. I don't want to hurt this sweet man's feelings, but I can't get married again.

He looks back into my eyes, his lips tilting up in a sideway grin, before popping open the case.

Inside the black velvet box is not a ring.

Inside the black velvet box...is a shiny black butt plug with a diamond on the base.

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