Page 34 of Choices

Game. Fucking. On.

It's hot in here with all the bodies dancing and sweating, and I'm starting to sweat under my suit. I run a finger underneath her cardigan and run it gently over the bare skin of her stomach, testing the waters. I know she thinks I'm attractive, but I don't know how far she'll let me take it.

"You know I had a crush on you in High School, right?" I whisper into the shell of her ear.

"You did?"

"I did. You were always the one that got away."

"I'm sorry. I was so involved with my own stuff I didn't notice."

I shake my head. "You wouldn't have. I tried to keep under the radar. I just wish I'd had the balls to tell you then. Maybe the last ten years would have been better for you. And those kids would have been mine."

"You'd make a great dad. Jackalready loves you. Aiden's shy, but he'll come around. Do you...do you want to be around them more?"

"I do. All three of us do. Seems like you're stuck with us, pretty girl."

She nods, seemingly thoughtful. "I like that."

We dance for another hour or so, Santiago and Rico watching our every move from the bar. She checks in with Amelia every half an hour. I know she's nervous about leaving her kids with Little PITA, but I'm so proud of her for taking a chance and putting herself first for once.

And now with an income, it'll be easier for her to leave her piece of shit husband and be with us.

Afterward, she grabs a water from Ben and decides to call it a night. Rico and Santiago head back to our condo while I drive Hannah home.

The drive home is nearly silent, except for Hannah absently humming one of the songs from tonight. "Dile" by Don Omar. I smile.

Loosely translated it goes:

Tell him I met you dancing

Tell him you wanna see me tonight

Tell him I kiss better than he does

Tell him you're going to see me tonight

Without thinking, she reaches over and begins to rub the back of my neck with her hand. I shiver at the contact. Fuck that feels good.

I rest my hand on her thigh in response. She instantly takes my hand in her right one and laces our fingers together. I take the long way back to her house. This is how it should be every day, everynight. Everything about this woman feels right. We need to speed along her divorce so I can wife her.

"How do you feel about marriage?" I ask casually.

She starts, pulling out of her trance, and whips to look at me. She rubs her thumb along the back of my hand, gathering her thoughts.

"If I had to do it again? I don't think that I would. I think it complicates everything. The minute I became Alan's wife, it changed who I was. I wasn't Hannah anymore. I was Alan's wife. I think if two people love each other, they can live together, and be committed to each other without the legally binding document or changing who the other is, you know?"

That's disappointing to hear, but I understand where she's coming from. For her, marriage has only been a trap - another level of control she had to give up to fit into societal norms.

In a way, hadn't my dad's wife been trapped by the same thing? And isn't that why my mom was so miserable her entire life? Because Dad wouldn't leave his wife, and couldn't love my mom out loud. But what if he hadn't been married, he could have loved my mom out loud, and maybe his wife would have stuck around or not. Marriage definitely does complicate things.

I didn't need a piece of paper or a ceremony to wife her though. I need her by my side, in my home, with her kids. I need all four of them in my life, every day.

The ladies nights are a start, but I need to talk to Rico about speeding up the process. It could be weeks, or months before she feels financially secure enough to leave him.

I drop her back off at her house with a PG hug, because her kids were watching from the window. I text Little PITA a 'thank you' and Venmo heran extra grand because tonight had been the best night of my life.

Back in the condo, Santiago and Rico are waiting for me. Santiago's leaning against the windows, arms crossed, permanent scowl on his face. Rico's leaning against the kitchen island, sipping a bottle of water.

---