Page 25 of Choices

Viv and Aid spot us and wander over cautiously. Where Jack is extroverted, and a loose cannon, Aid and Viv are reserved, and cautious.

"Your other fuck trophies?" Rico leans forward and whispers in my ear as he places his hand on my lower back. The gesture is intimate, sweet, and fuck I may be addicted. I elbow him in the gut.

"My otherchildren." I admonish with a smile.

"Vivian, Aiden, this is Matty, Rico and Santiago. They're my new friends."

Aiden gives me a skeptical look.

"They helped me out with a...flat tire...while you guys were with your grandparents. We exchanged numbers and they've been very...friendly."

Fuck, I'm a shit liar. Viv and Aid seem to know I'm lying but tentatively accept the truth anyway.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Viv staring at Santiago's scar. I wince. I pray she doesn't react poorly to it. I know it's new to Santiago to accept it, and I really hope she doesn't set him back in his confidence.

He kneels in front of her.

'Does it hurt?'She signs.

'No,'he signs back, beforelooking up at me.

My heart shatters into pieces. My precious, angel-baby reaches out her tiny hand and touches Santiago's neck, and I repress a sob. This moment isn't about me. It's about Santiago finding acceptance, and my baby girl finding that there are people out there with scars - some visible, some hidden.

'Good', Viv signs and I die and little and am reborn a little on the inside. I shift my focus onto more practical things, wiping a stray tear off of my cheek. I reach inside my cart and pull out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the kids and me. I didn't pack anything for the guys, though, and I can't help the guilt that overcomes me.

I give my sandwich to Rico and divide the chips and Gatorades to Matty and Santiago, and pretend to be busy doing other things so they don't notice I'm not eating.

"You're clever, mami, but not that clever," Rico whispers into my ear, low and intimate. It sends a shiver through my body and warms my core. I haven't felt any desire for decades, so this onslaught of attraction is new to me, and I'm almost unsure of how to process it.

Rico hands my sandwich back to me, and Matty and Santiago pour their chips back into my lap.

"If you guys had told me you were coming, I would have made food for you guys, too," I say. I don't want to be bitchy, but I also would have preferred to make sandwiches for them too.

Rico grabs my chin and pulls it towards him. "Mami. We're not your responsibility. I would love to have a sandwich you made, but we're grown-ass men, not children, and we can take care of our own needs."

I'm stunned. I don't knowwhat to say or do. I've never been told by a man not to take care of them. I thought that was my whole job.

I think about my husband. I swear he only comes home to get home-cooked meals. His mistress must not know how to cook.

And these men, who I owe half my soul to, who don't owe me anything, are more than happy to lay themselves on the line for me.

My entire reality teeters.

Rico gets up after Aiden finishes, and the two of them go to an empty soccer goal and practice shots on goal.

Matty and Jack disappear together after much whispered, hidden agendas. Honestly, it makes me a little nervous.

Viv is staring at Santiago, while Santiago is still scanning the environment for threats.

Suddenly, Vivian walks up to Santiago and simply stares up at him. Somehow he must understand what she wants, because he ducks down, grabs her, and throws her up on top of his shoulders, where they both proceed to watch the area around us.

And my heart breaks a little bit more. I've tried to raise my kids the best I can, but they've lacked any sort of male influence that wasn't detrimental. I want to introduce them to male influences that are positive, and influential...that add to their lives and not take away.

Something shifts inside of me. If I'm going to start taking control of my life and making choices that are authentic to me, what does that mean for Alan? He's not who I would have chosen as a husband for myself or as a father for my children.

It took a wake-up call, and the drastically different way these three men interact with my children to really put into focus how much Alan's attitude has affected us all.

Aiden trots off when he sees his coach and I know his game is going to start soon. Matty returns, holding Jack like a football. Jack's all smiles and wide eyes and giggles.

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