Page 63 of Choices

"Maybe." He replies, but he squeezes my hand again. "But I understand adult relationships are complicated. And I don't know what I would have done in your shoes. I love you, and I know you love me, and I think having Dad gone for a while will be good for all of us."

I nod and give him another hug.

"You know you guys always come first. If you need anything, you let me know, okay?" He nods and I give him a good night kiss on the hair.

I go to myroom and cry a little. I know Santiago's outside, watching the house, and I could tell him to come hold me. But I need a moment to grieve on my own. Because of my failings, my kids are going to grow up without a dad. Because of my failings, Aiden missed out on so many carefree childhood years. I'll be paying for his therapy for the rest of his life. I give a snort.

I drag myself into my shower and sit on the floor of the tub, letting the water wash away the hurt and shame, and regret. None of those things do anybody any good. I'll feel it all tonight, and then tomorrow I'll be a better person for my kids.

Chapter twenty-four

Rico

My phone rings with a call from Johnson. I sigh. This motherfucker. As if I didn't have enough issues going on in my life.

"What?"

"Hey boss, I just wanted to let you know the FBI brought in a Hannah Greenwich as an alibi for some charges they have trumped up. It all smells like bullshit, but just in case you know this Hannah, I wanted to give you the heads up."

Rage flares inside of me in an instant. Who the fuck thinks they're going to harass my girl!?

"Hannah is my girl. Nothing happens to her, understand? If she so much as gets a hangnail or heartburn, I will burn that fucking place down. Got it?"

"Got it, boss. I'm going to sit in on the interview and make sure nothing happens to her. I'll text you the minute I know something."

Nerves spread through me.

"Are you worried about her flipping?" Matty asks, an eyebrow raised at me.

"Not in a hundred years. She's loyal AF. If she was loyal to the idea of marriage for so fucking long, there's no way in hell she'll flip on actual love, actual affection."

Matty and Santiago nod in agreement.

"I just hate the idea that she's subjected to interrogation without one of us there to protect her," I growl, the anger simmering just underneath my skin.

Matty slaps my shoulder. "You have to trusther and Johnson."

I growl my agreement. I trust her. And Johnson's been a loyal soldier. But fuck I wanted to protect them both.

"Vamanos," I growl, tossing Matty the keys to the SUV.

I can't just sit here waiting to hear. I need to see her. Need to know she's okay.

We silently walk to the garage and get in the car in our usual places. Tension is radiating off of all of us. Santiago's shoulder muscles are bunched hard, his hands gripped so tightly into fists that his knuckles are white.

"So..." Matty says, turning onto the highway. "That's what we're calling it?"

"What in the ever-loving shit are you talking about?" I grumble, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"You said love."

Christ. I did, didn't I?

I tap my finger against my thigh. Do I love her? I've never loved anyone before - never seen it portrayed to me. But that word rolled effortlessly out of my mouth. I wish I had a big brother or someone I could go to to ask questions like this.

I eye Matty and Santiago to make sure they're not paying attention before googling 'How do you know you're in love' on my phone. It's completely lame, but neither of those fuckers knows either. Matty's mom was only ever obsessed with his dad, and his dad was a piece of shit and only loved power and money. Santiago's dad was never in the picture and his mom certifiably insane.

I click on the first link.

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