Page 60 of Choices

Hannah watches me, her arms wrapped around herself, butshe's still shaking. I still can't look her in the eye.

"Santi," she whispers and my heart breaks with shame. I lower my head more. "Santi, please." She whispers again, stepping towards me. "Please hold me. I need you." She chokes back a sob. "Please?"

I hold up my fingers and wiggle them to sign 'wait'. I go to her freezer and find a bag of frozen peas. I tilt her chin up with my finger, taking in the damage that I caused. Or at least the damage I allowed to happen. Shame and guilt pinch my chest like a vice and I'm finding it hard to breathe.

She takes the peas from me and presses them against her cheek with a wince.

I take a step back. I don't deserve to be in her orbit, let alone touch her.

I fist my hand and rub it on my chest. I get, now, why this is the ASL sign for 'I'm sorry'. My chest physically hurts.

"Santiago, don't you dare apologize." She says with a cute little stomp of her foot. Her voice is still thin and watery, but it's louder at least. "You did nothing wrong. We all agreed it was best if you remained out of sight, and when things got bad you did exactly what you were supposed to do. You saved me. And if you go one more minute without holding me...I...I may just break up with you..."

She's still shaking, but I can't help the small smile that escapes me. I pull her to me, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and using the other to cup her cheek and wipe her tears away with my thumb. I wipe the tear and kiss her cheek as gently as I can. Wipe her other tear, and kiss her other cheek. I pull back, looking at her for any direction. She points to her chin, so I kiss it.She points to her lips, so I kiss them. There's no heat behind any of them.

Just two lovers, reconnecting after a scary moment and some doubts and fears.

I fist my hand but leave out three fingers, and press it into her back. Her eyes widen.

"I love you," I mouth. I'm not even afraid that she won't say it back. I don't need her to love me back. I just need her to keep allowing me to love her.

But she doesn't disappoint. She cups my cheek in her free hand and leans up on her toes to kiss me back.

"I love you, too." She whispers, her lips brushing mine.

A groan interrupts our moment and I spin towards Alan, keeping Hannah at my back. Logically, I know he's tied up, but emotionally, I can't stand having her near him. She shivers a little and I hate it.

I edge backward, pushing us toward the kitchen island. I slide behind her, propping myself up on the island and dragging her back between my legs, her back to my front. I wrap an arm around her shoulders and one around her waist, my pistol dangling loosely from my hand.

There's nothing he can do, nowhere he can go where I can't shoot him before he moves an inch.

We watch, a tremble working its way through Hannah every few minutes, as Alan comes to.

He blinks, dazed, his eyes unfocused, when Rico and Matty burst through the open front door.

Rico runs to Hannah before taking in Alan, and then Hannah, holding a bag of peas to her face. He goes deadly still. That's thething about Rico. When I see red, I fly into action. When Rico sees red, he becomes deathly still, like a viper ready to attack. He slowly lays his hand over hers on the bag of peas and removes it.

Whatever look he has on his face, I can feel Hannah recoil in my arms. I kiss her neck reassuringly. Rico may not be able to see her like this, but he still loves her. And bruises fade.

"What the fuck, Hannah!?" Alan shouts, now fully awake. The four of us stiffen visibly.

Rico turns slowly to Alan, who struggles with his bindings.

Rico says nothing to Alan. "It's your call, mami."

I can feel Hannah relax in my arms, but Rico, myself, and Matty are still on edge.

"What the fuck is this, Hannah?! Are you fucking gangbangers now?!"

Now she stiffens, but I wrap my arms tighter around her, hopefully giving her strength. I kiss her neck again, like I know she likes.

It's silent for a few minutes, but with the tension in the air, it feels like a lifetime. Rico will kill Alan, and Matty and I will hide the body if that's what she wants. But Rico's letting Hannah make the decision.

Finally, Hannah shakes her head. "He's a piece of shit, and I don't want him near my kids until they're adults..." she swallows hard and I rest my chin on her shoulder. I'll support her and protect her until my dying breath. I hope she can feel that. "But I can't take their father away from them. When they're adults they can talk to him, I guess, and figure out if they want him in their lives. But I feel like killing him now, I'm taking away their choice."

Alan's Adam's apple bobs up and down as he realizes the severity of the situation.

Matty bounces up, grabbing the discarded divorce decree Hannah laid in front of Alan. I hold her tighter as if I can protect her now from the abuse she's already seen.

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