Page 17 of Choices

I catch each of my children's eyes to check in with them to make sure they're alright. Each of them give me a nod and a sad smile, but keep their eyes down the rest of the time, just waiting for this painful dinner to be over. Shame weighs me down like a fucking anvil. Howmany painful dinners have these kids had to suffer through because of the asshole I chose as their father? How many painful dinners have these kids had to suffer through because I made poor choices?

The answer is simple: too fucking many. Something has to change.

We wrap up dinner quickly, the kids help me with the dishes before I send them upstairs to take baths.

I find Alan in our bedroom.

"Hey, can I talk with you real quick?" I have no idea what I'm going to say, or how to say it. I should take time to think it through - figure out the best way to approach this with him. The best way that will help me get the outcome I want, but I don't know when he'll be back, and I don't want the cloud of another family dinner hanging over my head.

He sighs in annoyance with my general presence. Same, bro, same.

I wring my fingers together and just start. "So, like...I know you don't like coming home for family dinners..." I wait for him to acknowledge me at all, but he doesn't. "I just want you to know you can move out, if you want, and not have to do any of these family dinners again."

I can hear the words, and they sound pathetic. But I'm unprepared and unsure.

He stands up and crowds my space. He pinches my chin painfully in his fingers. "You think I'm going to allow you to raise our children without my supervision? If I did, Aiden would turn out a nerdy faggot, Vivian would be as fat as you, and Jack would becomea mama's boy. Nice try, though, Han." He says, while slapping my ass.

He's not going to give this to me. He's not going to give this up. He sees the kids as an extension of himself. He expects Aiden to take over his spot at his father's company, Vivian to marry someone rich, and Jack? Probably to work under him as well.

Except I get the distinct impression he doesn't even like his own kids, just how they reflect on him. He wants to be able to brag about his straight-A student son who will clearly take over the family business, his thin, beautiful, gymnast daughter, and his youngest, whose value he hasn't decided on yet.

An heir and a spare. Fuck.

I look at Alan's back - the back of a man I used to love and wonder how we got here. He's packing a bag of clothes I cleaned for him, so he can stay with his mistress for another week. He interrogates my children as if they're interviewing for a position as the company he works for.

Fuck, this has to change. But I have no idea how.

Yet.

Chapter six

Matty

I'm practically vibrating off of the seat as we pull up to my girl's house.

Only, she doesn't know she's my girl. Yet.

After I grilled Rico about their one-on-one conversation the first time Hannah came back into my life, he caved and told me everything. I usually get the truth from people, I am a lawyer after all, and I know annoying him like a hamster on speed is the best way to get him to cave.

Hannah missed riding. I'd remembered that about her in High School. She'd often wear riding britches to school (so hot) if she had a lesson or a show afterward.

Luckily, Rico's brother Diego's wife, Lauren rides, too. Which is good so I don't have to buy her a farm and horses. That would have taken too long.

Instead, I convinced Rico and Santiago to kidnap her for a day and let her ride at Diego's.

Santiago hated the idea but fumed silently (get it?) while Rico ruminated on it for a day before deciding I'm brilliant. Just kidding. He knows I'm brilliant.

Santiago pulls the car over to the curb in front of her house and puts the vehicle in park. Rico gets out and strides up her long driveway before letting himself in the door.

I can't help but plaster my nose against thedoor, practically panting to see her again. It's tinted, she can't see me yet. When she gets in the car, I'll play it cool.

"Do you think he's telling her where we're going? Or he'll keep it a surprise? Do you think she'll remember me? I never really talked to her. I mean, after that night...and during High School..."

Santiago rolls his eyes at me. He's annoyed. I know. I just don't care.

After a moment, Hannah emerges with Rico following behind her. They walk to the SUV and Rico opens the back door for her. Riding in the back with me is safer for her - with the tinted windows, no one will be able to see her.

She pauses as she ducks her head in, noticing me for the first time. I slide to the other seat to give her space, before sticking my hand out in greeting.

---